Wednesday, October 05, 2016

Facebook Discussion Groups: A Survival Guide

As a person who loves to discuss and exchange ideas with folks about important or at least interesting topics, I have drifted into a number of Facebook discussion groups. I don't recommend it. However, if you do decide to wade into the deep, here are Psychosomatic Wit's Rules for a Stepford-ly happy experience:


1. Find out who the administrators are and make every effort to agree with them.  Facebook group administrators have finally found a place of power and they love it.  They look for a chance to wield it. So, in order to remain active in the group, learn to parrot the masters.  As soon as you disagree, you become a troll.  Trolls are not long for this world. If the first two administrators don't get you, the third will knock you off the bridge and make the group the safe echo chamber that it should be.  You are banned!  Which brings us to rule number two:



2. The group isn't REALLY a discussion group, it is an echo chamber.  If you manage to get into a group where the administrators are not megalomaniacs, then it reverts to majority rules. Brace yourself for The Lord of the Flies!  You need to learn to pivot to the side of the majority or become the pig that they strive to kill.  Of course, the Internet translation of "pig" is "troll."  They throw that word around a lot.  If you are dubbed the pig, you get slaughtered.  And if you are a worthy pig, then there are always a few little snitches who run to the administrators with their troll accusations.


3. Finally, learn to use the emoticon buttons.  If an administrator posts something, whether you agree with it or not, "like" it.  The same thing with a post from the majority.  "Like" it! You can always "unlike" it after it gets a little stale and no one will be the wiser.  If you want to be a little bold, you can "like" a comment that disagrees with the company line.  Usually they let that stuff slide - especially if you don't have a track record for being a "stupid troll."  It is these little tricks that MAY allow you to live with yourself as you navigate the group social structure.  It is the same as rubbing zombie guts all over you so as not to be detected by the other zombies (Walking Dead Reference).
Or, you can live on the edge!  Speak your mind and get mocked and ultimately kicked out.  You can wear your expulsion like a badge of honor.  Just knock the dust off or your shoes and move on to the next group.  That is the real test of your convictions.  You get banned, they make sport of you, and you don't feel like you have to have the last word.  Then you know it is about conviction and not pride.  


If you have read this guide and you are wondering what technique is right for you, just close the lid of your laptop or put your phone down.  Go for a walk. Watch the sun set in the west.  Listen to children laughing at the playground. Curl up with a good book (I don't recommend Lord of the Flies).

The point is, life is too short to waste on the narcissistic society of the Facebook discussion scene. 


Now if  you will excuse me, I can see I got three fresh Facebook notices while I have been writing this.  Wait till my politics group gets a hold of this blog post!