Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Worn Out

It is high time for another marriage complaint post. As a newlywed, from time to time I will complain about the matrimonial state that I was dragged kicking and screaming into. This is one is just kind of funny, so it is no big deal. So let's just consider the obligatory "I love my wife . . ." and all that disclaimer stuff as rendered.
Saturday, the wife and I stopped at O'Charley's and had dinner in the bar. SIDENOTE: I LOVE my city's new anti-smoking ordinance (with apologies to Walt and Bonnie). Now, instead of waiting 20 minutes for a table, we can walk into the bar, seat ourselves, watch sports, get the bar specials (e.g. half-price appetizers) and not get pelted with vaporized tar. It is wonderful! Anyway, the first playoff game of the day was on the big screen and it was winding down in the last quarter. Our local team, as local as it gets around here, the Indianapolis Colts had a small lead. I wanted to sit where I could at least keep track of the score and get updates. However, my wife gets testy and proclaims, "I am sick of you and your sports!"

Ladies, I can hear your mindworks as you read this. Let me address your concerns and your temptation to jump to the darkside on this issue: First, I do NOT have a track record of ignoring her when a game is on. I have my priorities straight when it comes to these things. I can keep track of a game without being neglectful. I don't WATCH the game in situations like this I check in with it every 5 or 10 minutes or so - and it IS the PLAYOFFS for criminy's sake.

Secondly, I had just spent the WHOLE day with her SHOPPING!!! I hate shopping. Men and women have different ideas about shopping. Men go get what they need and get out. Not women.
Taking a woman shopping is like taking a dog for a walk. Even when you are winding the thing up - heading towards a cashier, she stops at every rack and display on the way like a dog needing to stop at every tree and fire hydrant to mark its territory on the way back to the house.
Shopping to women is like sports to men. It is entertainment! Well, I for one, am not amused with it. Still, despite me hating it (and she knows I do), I still urinate away about 5 hours at the mall and a department store (looking for registry items for her friend's baby shower). So, while the Colts are trying to stay alive in the playoffs, I am answering questions like, "does this make me look fat?"!
So, after a day of torture, should I not be able to keep track of the last ten minutes of playoff game? Well . . ., I did. ;)

12 comments:

JavaJabber said...

You DO know you're going straight to hell for the " ... is like taking a dog for a walk." statement, right?

I thought I'd tell you so you aren't blindsided when she hits you upside your head.

Silly boy.

And just so you know ... my husband is the shopper in this family ... I haven't seen the inside of a mall or department store in years. I don't like to go shopping with him because it's always some place like Home Depot or Lowe's and he gets lost in there for hours. And of course, he's always bringing home some doo-dad something or other we don't really need.

Anonymous said...

I'm not a shopper either. It used to be sheer torture when I'd got with my grandmother to "pick out something nice" for whatever gift giving occasion we were coming up on. She looked at EVERY LITTLE THING. She also had great taste and a terrific sense of color (neither of which bless me) and could spend HOURS in one store.

I am not that patient. Clothing doesn't interest me in the least (yes I wear it, but mostly I share t-shirts with my husband). My shopping adventures happen in bookstores, hardware stores and office supply stores. LOVE those! But I like to go by myself because I hate dragging someone around who doesn't want to be there.

If dinner's involved, I call when I'm checking out so we can meet somewhere.

Hope your team won!

Anonymous said...

I'm not a shopper either. It used to be sheer torture when I'd got with my grandmother to "pick out something nice" for whatever gift giving occasion we were coming up on. She looked at EVERY LITTLE THING. She also had great taste and a terrific sense of color (neither of which bless me) and could spend HOURS in one store.

I am not that patient. Clothing doesn't interest me in the least (yes I wear it, but mostly I share t-shirts with my husband). My shopping adventures happen in bookstores, hardware stores and office supply stores. LOVE those! But I like to go by myself because I hate dragging someone around who doesn't want to be there.

If dinner's involved, I call when I'm checking out so we can meet somewhere.

Hope your team won!

Anonymous said...

I'm not a shopper either. It used to be sheer torture when I'd got with my grandmother to "pick out something nice" for whatever gift giving occasion we were coming up on. She looked at EVERY LITTLE THING. She also had great taste and a terrific sense of color (neither of which bless me) and could spend HOURS in one store.

I am not that patient. Clothing doesn't interest me in the least (yes I wear it, but mostly I share t-shirts with my husband). My shopping adventures happen in bookstores, hardware stores and office supply stores. LOVE those! But I like to go by myself because I hate dragging someone around who doesn't want to be there.

If dinner's involved, I call when I'm checking out so we can meet somewhere.

Hope your team won!

Anonymous said...

I recommend counseling. Deep, intense, serious marriage counseling. The problems in your marriage - at least the ones you bring up here online - appear to stem primarily from unrealistic expectations, selfishness and a general lack of understanding of how a partnership works. I'm not singling either one of you out when I say this. Just that it is becoming the obvious pattern.

Sayre said...

Why did it do that again??? Three comments. Hope it doesn't happen again with this one!

Jeff said...

java: I am not in trouble - except with you. No one in my real life knows about my blog.

sayre: I don't know why it repeated. It is fine, though. At least the second one didn't. Isn't it funny that so far 100% of the women that read this blog are not into shopping.

Jerry: Actually, things are getting better as we learn that we are stuck with each other. lol This thing Saturday only merited writing because I thought it was funny - particularly, the "walking the dog" statement. That is what "psycosomatic wit" is all about.

After her "sick of" statement, we had a nice dinner and the topic never came up again.

I know, you probably think I am in denial. ;)

kristarella said...

I don't mind shopping, my hubby dislikes shopping in the same way you do, unless we know what we want and get in and out quickly he puts on this unimpressed face for the whole trip. I've learnt from these experiences and generally avoid taking him shopping.

I'm not bothered by being compared to a dog.

Glad your dinner was nice.

Anonymous said...

Actually, things are getting better as we learn that we are stuck with each other.

Well, I love your guys commitment to the permanence and sanctity of marriage! Too many people go into marriage thinking "well, if it doesn't work out, there's always lawyers and courts and judges and destroyed hopes, and sad family members and friends taking sides and alimony payments and child support, and the illusion that I am getting on with my life when in reality all I will likely do is cover the same ground with a new partner..."

Commitment is good!

But it doesn't have to be a "stuck with" situation.

(I realize that you were being at least partially sarcastic, but still...)

If a couple takes the care and the love and the patience to get interested in each other's interests -- and also realize that it's fine to not share every interest but to treat the other with respect when they partake of their individual interests -- then there is a lot of fun to be had. And before you know it "stuck with" turns into "can't wait to be with them!"

DesLily said...

this is one i can't get into.. my X loved football..it was on so much that I actually got to like it!... but i like to shop too lol

Jeff said...

kristarella: I try not to make faces. I know it is important to her to get my opinion on things she is considering to purchase. I know that some of it is to look nice to me. I suppose that if I complained or had the "unimpressed" face, as you put it, my wife would stop wanting me to go, too. I think no matter how much I get tired of marathon shopping trips, I would hate that she didn't want me to go.

And, I would never compare you to a dog, ;)

Jerry: We are VERY committed. We went into it both convinced that divorce isn't an option. And yeah, I was sarcastic. It is how I roll! ;) Check out the next post.

DesLily: My wife doesn't like football. I still have hope I will rub off on her, though. I can take shopping in small doses.

Bon & Mal Mott said...

No apologies needed, Jeff. Just because we are in the grip of the foul addiction is no reason to wish it upon others. ;)

Bonnie and Walt