Today, I was just going to complain about my wife. It has been a while since I had and I didn't want to give the false impression that I finally found marital bliss. However, instead, I am going to present this retirement plan that my wife (ironically enough) sent me through email. There will be plenty of time tomorrow to complain about my wife. ;)
Because I am thinking of my mother and always trying to figure out my own plan for the golden years, I found this email somewhat interesting - even if it was intended to be tongue-in-cheek.
This is my retirement plan:
About 2 years ago my wife and I were on a cruise through the western Mediterranean aboard a Princess liner. At dinner we noticed an elderlylady sitting alone along the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining room. Ialso noticed that all the staff, ships officers, waiters, busboys, etc., allseemed very familiar with this lady. I asked our waiter who the lady was, expecting to be told that she owned the line, but he said he only knewthat she had been on board for the last four cruises, back-to-back.
As we left the dining room one evening I caught her eye and stopped tosay hello. We chatted and I said, "I understand you've been on this ship forthe last four cruises." She replied, "Yes, that's true.! " I stated, "Idon't understand" and she replied, without a pause, "It's cheaper than anursing home."
So, there will be no nursing home in my future. When I get old andfeeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship. The average cost for anursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on reservations on a Princess andI can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day.That leaves $65 a day for:
1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.
2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to therestaurant, or I can have room service (which means I can have breakfast-in-bedevery day of the week).
3. Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.
4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.
5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
6. I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.
7. T. V. broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No Problem! They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.
8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even have to ask for them.
9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare;if you fall and break a hip on the Princess ship they will upgrade you toa suite for the rest of your life.
Now hold on for the best! Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name where you want togo? Princess will have a ship ready to go.
So don't look for me in anursing home, just call shore to ship.
PS: And don't forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side --at no cost.