I really had to have some coffee this morning. I guess I slept okay, but I had dreams that wore me out. I hate it when I have dreams like that. I had a dream I was traveling across Alaska. I wake up exhausted.
Then, I need coffee. Coffee. I even like the term as comes out of my mouth. Coffee. Say, "Wanna get some coffee?" out loud. It just sounds appealing, doesn't it? I know that only about 30% of you actually said it out loud. That's okay. The rest of you think you are too cool to say it out loud. Well, you're not. ;)
I don't want to get too far off the track about self examination. Last week there was a great tragedy in the country. I resisted writing about Virgina Tech because I didn't feel I really had much to add. What was left to say that hadn't already been said? I found out that maybe there were other reasons for my blog silence concerning it. At church yesterday we were supposed to start a new series about Evolution and Creation. We didn't. The minister spent the whole time on Virgina Tech and how we should deal with it.
The crux of it was that we should mourn with those that are mourning. The pastor was emotional during the service as he reminded us that Jesus, although He knew that He was going to raise Lazarus from the dead, was so touched by Lazarus' family and friends' grief, that He cried with them. We should have a heart so tender.
A ton of people at church became emotional as we relived the tragedy. Not me. I am ashamed to admit it, but when I heard about the shooting, I was more curious than touched. Sure, I was sad for that community, but it didn't cause me to mourn. Neither did the church service about it cause me to get upset like many others there.
I am not sure why I wasn't more touched. Perhaps it is the nature of my job. People come to me everyday and tell me how they lost their job unfairly. To these people, it is their whole life and livlihood that is lost. For me, if I am not careful, it is just another case number. I literally pray everyday for the compassion to come out when I meet with these clients. Thankfully, God helps me to find that empathy. I shudder to think how it would be without this kind of communion with God.
Now, because of my experience at church, I add to that daily prayer, "God please do not allow my heart to harden, not only for my clients, but for my fellow man."