I thought I would take time today to touch on a hodge podge of things on my mind. My wife is on my mind a lot lately, because she is . . . interesting. As some of you know, I was married six months ago. My relationship with my wife has been interesting at the least. Here are some incidents that have happened over the past few days:
For the past few weeks, my wife has maintained that she isn't sure we should have kids and have been leaning towards NOT having any. I haven't been thrilled with that, but I know her opinion on it blows like the wind so I haven't really gotten into it with her much. She claimed it is because of her depression and the strong possibility of PPD. I found out Sunday, that those reasons weren't really the main reasons. She wants to stay home with the kids and I have maintained that we couldn't afford it. We had an eye on buying a particular beautiful house. Now, she is willing to get a lesser house if she can stay home with kids. I agreed. I am not aversed to her staying home, I just want to be able to pay bills. I think I can swing it with a lesser house. I hate giving up the big beautiful house, but that isn't as important as raising a family right - assuming we are good parents. She is thrilled.
So thrilled, is she, that she has been BUGGIN' about starting the family since then. We have some bills to pay off, two houses to sell, but she is ready to go right now. She made me, off the cuff, give her a timeline which I said that we COULD MAYBE start trying by the end of the year IF certain conditions have been met. I also told her that if she threw that up in my face or passive aggressively punished me because it didn't work out that soon, I would turn into the baby Nazi and proclaim, "No baby for you!! Come back, ONE YEAR!!" (Seinfeld reference, for those of you keeping score at home).
She is also irritated at me now because I told her that she shouldn't call me much during the day. We changed cell providers last fall because we could get a 23% discount because of her volume discount she gets with her employer. I don't want to mention the provider, but it hasn't worked out AT ALL. It was suppose to drop our payments from about $85 to about $65 per month, but it only worked that way once. Not only that, but the reception is horrid. Usually, the bills are about the same as the old provider, but last month it was $145. Ridiculous. I can get free calls after 7 pm and on weekends, but everyone wants to call me during the workweek in the daytime. The good friends call me on one of my office phones; that is perfectly fine. NO ONE calls my caell on the weekends. I want someone to call me on a Saturday afternoon one time to just say "hi". I can go whole weekends without as much as a wrong number. Pathetic.
So she gets mad because a wife should be able to call her husband. I told her that if I was a factory worker she couldn't call me at all. She reminded that I am NOT a factory worker so I told her to play makebelieve and picture me at Whirlpool - a local factory. She isn't happy about it, but it will cost $400 to break the contract. So, in 18 short months, we are changing our provider!! Yippee!
I've never been married, so I can't speak to every level of that reality, but I have been in some deeply committed, long term relationships. This is just my guess, but I'd be willing to bet that you guys are simply experiencing some growing pains. That is not to minimize the situation at all, just to offer encouragement.
You actually want people calling you on the weekends? Careful what you wish for.
epiphany: Ahh, we are fine. We just deal with these little issues as they come. True love and all that. ;)
Two Write Hands: Nope, don't REALLY want calls on the weekend, just if someone HAS to call my cell, I would rather they do it when it is free. That's all.
you know, jeff, the best part about starting a family is the making of the family! maybe that is why she is bugging you. LOL
seriously, i can't wait to see what develops in a year or so. at least you will never run out of things to blog about.
Are you going to be giving your baby a cellphone? Or, like in the picture, will you child only get an iPod? :)
I never use my phone. This is not an exaggeration -- I have never heard it ring. And I just want to keep it that way!
You want kids? Careful what you wish for. Once you start fertilizing, cultivating and growing kids, you can kiss Hooters goodbye.
I'd go for the bigger house and rent someone elses kids for a weekend. They'll make some extra cash. And,when your frazzeled from liitle devils, load'em up on sugar and send home.
You get the best of both worlds.
The cell phones are another deal -- try Cingular. But don't get a cell phone, cable and high speed internet access -- the cable stations suck and when the high speed goes down (and it does go down like a Mexican prostitute) you'll ... well I don't know ...
Laura: Maybe you're right. ;) Yeah, the blog will fill up easy about the pregnancy and the kids - if I have time, that is.
Kimber: I am not even going to give my kid a pacifier! Kids today are too bloody soft, I tell ya.
Mr.Spin: If I don't have kids, how can I live vicariously through them? :)
putting my 2 cents in:
Just because she starts out as a stay at home mom, does not mean it will always be that way. In fact, I only did it til my oldest was 5 (and youngest 3) and I craved interaction with other grown ups. Now, I am a working mother and even though I see them less, it has worked out better for us. For one, they're in school. For another we have more money for us to go do things with. And, I am thrilled with my ability to be good at something other than being a mom. Does that make any sense?
Second thing I wanted to say: I know $400 seems steep to get out of your current cell phone providers plan. BUT if you do the math, for the next 18 months, paying extra and you add it up it may work out to about $ 400 anyway, or close.
We had to pay $200 to get out of the plan. I was going to wait a year to be able to "get out" without paying the fee. However, once I calculated how much extra I was spending on this plan, my decision became easier. I paid my $200 bucks and never looked back. Not only I am saving money with my new provider, but my headache around my cellphone plan has gone away.
When we got married 12 years ago, we both agreed that we wouldn't have any kids (she already had two great kids that I adopted). She changed her mind and ending up getting pregnant twice (losing one). She would "forget" to take her pill and laugh about it. It made me very angry, feeling like she had tricked me.
My only advice, keep up talking about it so there are no surprises. I know it is uncomfortable but it's the only way to keep the relationship functional.
Mermaid: It is a given that my wife will go back to work when the kids are school age, so that isn't a concern. Getting to school age, now that is another thing.
I know what you mean about the $400 might be worth it. It is just that coming up with the $400 and coming up with the start-up money for the new phone is just too problematic right now - at least until I sell my empty house that is sucking a huge mortgage payment out of me every month.
Chris: Yeah, we talked about the "Oops, accidently forgot to take the pills" routine before. She said that she would NEVER do that to me. I will believe her till I can't believe her. ;)
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