This post was originally just a response in the feedback section of my last post. It got to be long so I thought I would just post it here instead. The prerequisite to this post is the last one below. Read it first, if you just got here.
I was tempted to post all the feedback here, too, then I thought if people want to be in the know, they can read it for themselves. I don't want to force-feed it people that are just passing through.
So, if you want to know what I am talking about here, read the last post AND the feedback.
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I really don't know how to respond to you guys (and I use the term loosely). The trouble with vague therapy posts is that everyone has an idea of the circumstances. In the specifics, I would say that people wouldn't get it. However, the mind works and responds to situations with principle, so in that aspect, there is sound advice input here.
Steph: I am sure your responses were no more nonsensical than my posts. Thanks. I can always use another rooter.
Galen: Thank you for validating the usefulness of my insanity. I am glad that you got something out of it.
Loz: I feel we are kindred spirits of sorts. Our circumstances aren't the same, but there is a thinking there that we both are able to tune in to. It is true that I have doubts, just not doubts about truth. The doubts are the courses I thought were right for me.
Michelle: You are right and I have already written about that standpoint in my post, "With No Apologies" on May 29. I wrote, "This painful time I am going through is, no doubt, a huge blessing that I just can't see yet. Therefore, pity is not necessary and congratulations are more in order - as upside down as that sounds. Despite the unlikliness of that from my tattered standpoint, I don't command my God to make sense, I just ask that He be there when I surrender. That is not so much to ask the Almighty who has already commited Himself to that very thing."
I still get it, but it is difficult. Of course, I knew it would be. Still, there is peace and even bliss just around the corner, Stephanie.
6 comments:
This morning I just spent a good few minutes talking to my husband. He has the same "feelings". So I concluded to him that it's midlife crisis!
And now I'm reading your blog! WOW!
Yeah, it's easy to have faith after the event. I mean, looking back in my life I can always see how every step had a reason, but at the time? Nope! I've been known to do the screaming panic freak-out.. only to realise maybe a month or a year later that whatever I was freaking about either never happened or turned out to be a good thing after all.
But I still panic! I'm working on it. :-\
mother hen: It is interesting how life seems to fit together sometimes. Your world was making sense to you (although I don't think I am experiencing a midlife process). But it interesting to see how life deals us consistency in issues sometimes (read on).
Michelle: It is so true. As a matter of fact, I found a story that outlines this in me inbox today - quite by coincidence or divination.
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"The story is simple. My cousin Mirea and I wanted to visit friends in America. Sensing that we would not abandon our grand idea, my father sent us on our way with heartfelt prayers for our safety.
Our trip across Europe took several days. Finally we arrived on the western shores of England. But as we prepared to set sail for America, we were told there was a problem with our papers. Officials at the immigration office said Mirea was missing a stamp on a paper that would allow her to leave the country. We would have to stay in England for another week until Mirea's papers could be corrected, they said.
Mirea and I went to the steamship office to ask if we could exchange our tickets for a ship leaving later in the month. The man at the window was glad to make the exchange. He was sure he could resell our berths. People were eager to sail on the maiden voyage of the Titanic.
As we wandered back to the hotel, Mirea and I were disappointed that we had to stay in England. But, when the news reached us a few days later of the sinking of the Titanic, we both began to cry, in sadness for our lost shipmates, but also in relief, realizing how close we had come to death ourselves. God, in his mercy, had answered by father's father's prayer for our safety with something as small as a missing stamp."
Wow. That story certainly says it all. I'm going to copy that one for some email friends. Thanks Jeff!
"The doubts are the courses I thought were right for me."
Been there Jeff. I know I've talked a bit about some of the books that are helping me through midlife [and you'll know at some stage whether that partiucular cap fits you or not], but one of them "Too Soon Old Too Late Smart" by Gordon Livingstone talks at one point about our mind maps. If those don't actually conform to the ground we're walking on, then it's the map that's wrong. We shouldn't spend time and energy on trying to make the ground conform to the course but accept we need to chart a new one.
Michelle: I am glad you got something out of that story. It kind of knocked my socks off when I read it that very day.
Loz: That is an interesting concept. I will have to look into that book. Thanks.
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