Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Can't Get Too Far Away

It's been a few days since I posted. My mind has been entirely occupied with things that I don't want it to be occupied with. As I sit here today, looking at this blank blog page, I have decided to list a few things that pop into my mind.

* I don't know what to do with the blog for now. I don't want to blog about what I am consumed with. I hate a pity party. I loathe self-pity. Still, there it is.

* Feeling betrayed is the worst thing I have ever felt.

* I am trying to make sense of being punished for merely being on the receiving end of the betrayal. My wife is cold to me and shows no sign of regret.

* I found in the trash can a book of poems I made for my wife. It was a time consuming process where I hand bound it. It contained all original poems that I had written - many were just for her. I remember the look on her face when I gave it to her. She couldn't put it down. She had no trouble putting it down into the trash, though.

* This post isn't working out so great. Yep, I still feel sorry for myself and it is quite apparent to anyone who is reading this. That isn't what I want. Maybe I will try again in a few days.

8 comments:

kristen said...

Um, you have every right to have a pity party. Grieve away. We're all hear to support you.

I wouldn't feel obligated to blog. Give it time. Or, perhaps writing will be somewhat soothing and therapeutic. But, whatever works for ya' right now.

Seriously Jeff, so sorry, and I hope things get better soon.

HollyGL said...

Betrayal of this sort is so unbelievably devastating. It takes awhile to remember how to breathe normally again.
Don't worry about how you're going to come across in your writing. Just say what you need to say. We know you, Jeff. We know you are not the self-pitying sort. You're grieving. We're here, and we understand completely.

The Real Mother Hen said...

I'm really sorry that this is happening to you.

It makes me angry actually. I truly believe that no one, absolutely no one, should do that to another person. If one person is truly unhappy in the marriage, one should just leave, a clean break, instead of hurting each other endlessly.

Please don't let this get to you. Recognize the pain, make room for the pain, and move on.

Sayre said...

Well... according to your profile, this is an outlet for your never-ending ranting. I say, rant away!

Michelle said...

There are no time limits on grief - and self-pity is just grief and anger mixed together.

Rant all you need - you have friends here who care about you and are quite happy to be your shoulders to rant on for as long as you might need us.

HoosierGirl5 said...

Oh Jeff, I am so sorry. You just remember: any woman with sense would be lucky to have you! I have never had ANY man write me a poem, much less make me a book of them! Hang touch! You are worth it!

J.

chosha said...

I wouldn't thought a little self-pity was in order. You need some time to process, to grieve, before you can move on. Wallow a little, just don't stay in long enough to get all pruney.

stepping over the junk said...

I lost you in the midst of my big pause in blogging as well as changing computers and not reading, etc. I am happy to find you (say you on Sayre's blog) and will catch up. I'm so so sorry. Araugh. It HAS been a long time! (I am at wordpress now)