Socialism, Different Strokes for Different Folks

NEWS FLASH is basically news or thoughts that may be changing over time - an update or an evolution of thought that covers a multiple of topics. It is what makes a blogger tick and it is the reason why we read. So, with that in mind, I came up with NEWS FLASH as an acronym that stands for what is going on in life:

News (or current events)
Entertainment (movies, TV, celebrity, etc.)
Writing (thoughts on the blog(s) or other writing projects)
Spirit (thoughts on God and/or the supernatural)
Family (or friends)
Love
Anxiety (a rant or a trouble)
Sports (also considered should be contests, reality TV, recreation, cards, games), and
Home (house, yard, or even another family type of thought.
__________________________________________

It has been a while since I had my old trusted NEWS FLASH.  There is no way I am going to be able to catch up.  That, I trust, will come about slowly over time.  However, I will take more of a snapshot of what is going on right now.

NEWS - For those of you with a memory, it won't be surprising to know that healthcare reform is the topic I would choose to cover in this segment.  President Obama, who promised reform, cannot emphasize enough that for those people satisfied with their insurance and healthcare, they don't have to change anything.  However, the public is getting pelted with scare tactics about (shutter) SOCIALISM!! (pardon me while I go lock the doors!). Not only is he not talking about a single-payer system like the backward, third world countries like France and Great Britain have, he is just trying to get everyone covered with an affordable plan.  However, since socialistic medicine is so bad, I think I am going to get my mother off Medicare since that is what IT is.  Plus, maybe I should lead a crusade to get all of the socialistic things out of our society.  Join with me while I opt out of police and fire protection in addition to shredding my library card.  Sheesh!  In insurance companies we trust!

ENTERTAINMENT - My latest guilty pleasure is Fear.net.  It is on my cable system as a free on-demand option.  These movies are great in some way.  They don't seem to be low-budget, but some of the acting is a little bad.  However, they are fun and entertaining.  I suggest Dee Snyder's Strangeland.  Snyder, best known as the front man from Quiet Riot, wrote, produced, directed, and starred in this thing.  Quite entertaining despite it being kind of . . . bad.

WRITING - Obviously, the blog is back.  I am still wrestling with opening it up to everyone.  Previously,  I had blog people, and real life people and never the two met.  My fear is that the worlds will collide or worse, I sensor some subject matter to spare people's feelings or sensitivities.  Just don't know . . .

SPIRIT - I am finding that I am a different person, spiritually, since my divorce.  I wouldn't say that I am weaker in faith, I just have a shift in priorities. As a matter of fact, I think my faith is stronger. I never felt I was a legalist (a person who strictly follows the rules for rules sake).  However, I am even less of one now.  I believe too strict a lifestyle retards communion with God.  In a since, following the rules becomes one's God.  So, I follow my inner conviction more, and fundemental teaching, less.  Of course, this may just be a phase I am going through as a part of healing.  I am open.

FAMILY - My sister had a major stroke last week.  It was quite a miracle, according to her physician (if you can believe that).  The doctor came in after reading her MRI and other test results and claimed to be dreading talking to the family because she expected my sister to be quite severely affected (perhaps even comatose or vegetative).  However instead, she was alert and conversing with us.  She is confused and has forgotten a lot of things, but she is far ahead of what the doctor expected.  He said, "People throw this word around too much, but this, indeed, is a miracle!"

LOVE - Love is never the same after a divorce.  There is fear and ego damage and an ever-guarded attitude.  I have seen a few people, but it is too soon to tell what is going to happen with the latest one.  I am really not completely sure about what I even want.

ANGUISH - I have been trying to buy the house I lived in with my wife.  She owned it before we married; it is in her name.  The bank (who presently shall remain nameless) had a good deal going for me.  Then, nothing!  I was supposed to close on May 15, but I haven't heard anything.  All my phone calls since then have been unanswered.  I stand to lose a great interest rate and a $200 application fee if this falls through.  I understand there is a deadline for the rate lock, but I am not sure what it is.  I am sure that if it expires, it isn't my fault.  There will be hell to pay.

SPORTS - Sadly, I was on hiatus during some of the best sports times.  We missed the Superbowl, and the Kentucky Derby and the fact that I was even present at the NASCAR Bristol Food City 500 and the Indianapolis 500 Time trials.  Well, I guess I covered it after all - sort of.

HOME - I finally have someone in that cursed house I need to get rid of.  He has the same deal the last guy had except a better one for him. What it is, is that he lives there at a VERY discounted rate in exchange for helping me improve the property for future sale.  The difference is that this guy comes recommended by someone that knows him well. He works in construction and apparently can do about anything. I am optimistic.  At some time in the future, I will address what happened to the last guy.  It is quite a story.

I'm Back . . . at School

My name is Jeff and I am a slagger (blog slacker). Now that there is a new year and somewhat of a new me, I am going to give it another go. Things will hopefully be a little different this time around.

I have a few New Year's blog resolutions. One is that I am going to let my sense of humor flow more. I had lost my sense of humor for a while. However, I found it in the wall safe where my wedding picture was hanging. When she took the picture, she left my sense of humor intact. It was just a matter of finding it and reclaiming it. Thanks, dear.

I feel different these days. I laugh . . . a lot. I used to laugh some, but somehow deep in my soul I really knew it was a nervous laugh. The laugh of someone unsure about life, living, love and even laughter. The four l's . . . that wasn't intentional. I just love it when a plan comes together like that.

Are the goings on in my life better now than they were four or five months ago. Nope, not really. In some ways, they are worse. It just doesn't effect me like it used to. I know that a person is not the sum of his circumstances. He is the sum of his make-up. I was made up of rouge for far too long. Now my cheeks have the warm glows of yellows and golds. I hope everyone knows that this is an analogy.

Then there is providence. As God helps me heal and return to a normal guy, He also tells me things I need to know and insists on keeping me accountable. I am not a big fan of His methodology all the time, but I know how valuable it is for Him to keep tapping me as I start to feel a little cocky about healing.

For instance, last night I watched the movie "Hancock". It is really two stories. There is a scene in the first part that rattled my cage a little. It was God reminding me that although healing takes place, the scars will always be there. Scars are not to be ignored; that is why God puts them there forever. That scene and God's prompting will make me a better person.

Lessons . . . school is always in session. Excuse me while I make some spit balls and sharpen my pencils in order to stick them into the ceiling for this afternoon's festivities! Hey, lessons will still be learned, but I am still going to have my devious fun from time to time.

Worth Repeating

This is probably the most searched post I have written. The searches: depression, wife's depression, selfishness and depression. There are a lot of people struggling out there with depression or their spouse is. Either way it is a horrible ordeal to go through. No matter what I came up with originally when I published this post, I consider myself more of an expert about it now, because now I see depression from both sides - as a helpless spouse of a depressed person and someone who is/has been so depressed myself that I wonder if I can handle even another breath.

I am reposting this with some additions and perhaps some editing. My new perspective on it mandates this.

Who can figure out how a normal person, for no apparent reason, can transform into someone who is one breath away from dramatically changing the lives of everyone around them? Like putting on a costume in the play of life, the character is transformed into a hopeless shell of a human being. It is enough to make Stanislavsky proud.

Depression is a form of selfishness. Am I saying that it isn't a medical problem (i.e. chemical imbalance)? No. For some, it very well may be. It is still selfishness, because by definition, a person dwelling in a state of depression is consumed with the self, although it is not a conscious choice of selfishness. Depression is so debilitating that it leaves one with the notion that he has little choice but to be immersed in the self for survival's sake. Whether it is chemical, spiritual, or situational depression, life seems so hopeless. That is why merely surviving is center-most in the thoughts of those struggling with this.

The problem with depression is that it is a disease of the soul. The soul is the intellect + will + emotions of an individual. Depression attacks the soul and causes the person to dwell on the self. There is an old saying, “Misery loves company.” Depression flies in the face of that bromide. Rather, depression is a suspicious spouse, or a jealous best friend. There is no room for anyone else to suffer with it or any other problem, for that matter. No, one with depression can only consider his/her own hopeless state. No one else has the right to have it, lest some focus may be taken off the self. It really can be brutal in the mind of the depressed, "I don't want to hear about your problems; I am dying over here!"

I never grappled with real depression until after I met my wife. That is not to say that, previous to this divorce, my wife caused my bouts of it or that my marriage was depressing me. However, this divorce has shattered my world and has lit up the world of depression like no other time in my life. Despite my blog rants, I learned to be somewhat contented with my marriage. I didn’t really blog about the good times so much. The troubled spots are easier to analyze and that is what I do, but I digress. Before the past couple of years, I never actually had to deal with depression. Sure, I had sad times. I was sad when appropriate, maybe even downright despondent, but there were always reasons. It was part of the natural cycle of being human in a fallen world. However, depression is another matter. Depression is its own entity. Now, I have stared it down and my spirit screams in horror with the sight.

Perhaps my small (and they were relatively small) stints of depression were a form of sympathy pain for my wife. She has struggled intensely with this unnatural despair. Maybe God would have me get some doses of it so I could understand and reach out to her instead of doing what my flesh craved at times which was announcing, “I can’t deal with this; maybe you aren’t ready to have this kind of relationship.”

How prophetic that last paragraph was when I originally wrote it! I have had a couple of conversations recently with my wife and she marveled at how I understand her now. I think that was the crux of her unhappiness with the marriage. Now, it is just ironic. I have come to find out that irony is just another word for cruel, VERY CRUEL joke.

Whatever the reason, these dates with melancholia are a reality for me now. However, no matter how it feels, complete hopelessness will never take hold. I have found the secret, and I thank God for that revelation. The spiritual aspect of depression did find out that secret, and as some of you have read before it was removed, I have struggled with the God aspect of this divorce. Still, God has been educating me and I have moved from that position (of being mad at God) quite a bit.

This whole situation has also educated me about my wife's spirituality. That makes it all the more depressing. I KNOW that God will and is delivering me from this - that I will someday be alright and whole again. The pain is just normal and necessary. Walking in the fires of depression will polish and proof me. However, my wife doesn't have or is unable to see it that way. For her, it is completely black and hopeless. For me, right now, it is merely a temporary darkness - no matter what it feels like. There may be only one set of footprints in the sand, but I DO know exactly who made them.

Open Letter to God

Dear God,

As I am going through the trials of the ending of my marriage, I find it necessary to talk to you. I have told everyone that I am not mad at You. I have an understanding that You see the big picture. You know what is best and I must trust You.

However, I figured it out the other day that I AM angry with You. Sure, I know better, but there are just too many things I can't reconcile.

God, I dedicated my marriage to You. I gave 110% to that cause - all in Your name. I put my wife ahead of myself at every turn. I was never unfaithful. I never laid a hand on her. I don't even recall raising my voice to her. I made her concerns my concerns and my concerns unimportant. I did this for her, for the institution of marriage, and for YOU, God.

I know life has its disappointments and tragedies. I know that You promise that You will never leave nor forsake me through it all. But, why did this have to happen?

I know that my wife has free will and that is a big issue for You. I also know that we are in a fallen world. However, I trusted you. It isn't even MY will that is affected, Lord, it is YOURS. You hate divorce! You speak of forever and death do us part. Well, I did my part! You let some little girl ruin YOUR will and my faithfulness. Why? You are God, for cryin' out loud!

Jonah had free will. You wanted him to go to Ninevah and preach to the people there. Jonah ran in the other direction with his own free will. However, you sent a great fish to fetch him and deliver him to Ninevah. You can't influence one little girl? You can't send down an angel for counsel? Is my wife's will too tough for God? I just can't see it.

Yeah, I know. You know what suffering is all about. You sent your Son to die so people like me can be with you everlasting. He had You; He WAS You. All human and all God. He had the vision. He knew the plan - the necessity of it all and He felt the touch and love of the divine.

Now it is my turn to suffer. I am not You. I don't feel that love and comfort - not in the same magnitude. I can't see the plan. And I can't understand how You can tell me how much You hate divorce but watch me get taken down that path even as I am faithful.

No, God, I don't get it. I don't get it at all. Yet, I will continue to trust You. I will continue to obey the best I can. What choice do I have?

With painful devotion,

Jeff

Can't Get Too Far Away

It's been a few days since I posted. My mind has been entirely occupied with things that I don't want it to be occupied with. As I sit here today, looking at this blank blog page, I have decided to list a few things that pop into my mind.

* I don't know what to do with the blog for now. I don't want to blog about what I am consumed with. I hate a pity party. I loathe self-pity. Still, there it is.

* Feeling betrayed is the worst thing I have ever felt.

* I am trying to make sense of being punished for merely being on the receiving end of the betrayal. My wife is cold to me and shows no sign of regret.

* I found in the trash can a book of poems I made for my wife. It was a time consuming process where I hand bound it. It contained all original poems that I had written - many were just for her. I remember the look on her face when I gave it to her. She couldn't put it down. She had no trouble putting it down into the trash, though.

* This post isn't working out so great. Yep, I still feel sorry for myself and it is quite apparent to anyone who is reading this. That isn't what I want. Maybe I will try again in a few days.

Endings . . .

Rest In Peace: John Davis and Caroline Faye

Today I said goodbye to my son and daughter.

John Davis, our first born, was named after my wife's father. To avoid the confusion, we called him "Jack". Secretly, we just liked how it sounded. The connection with her father was just another sign that we picked the right name. Jack was a little mischievous, but he was precocious and very inquisitive. He loved animals, sports, and his daddy. You would always find a baseball cap on his head, but it was never on straight.

In the evening, after I returned home from work Jack and I liked to sit outside and watch the birds eating from our smorgasbord of feeders. "That's a cardinal, Daddy," he would say. The little guy was great at memorizing bird names, although he did have trouble distinguishing the difference between a sparrow and a wren - but who doesn't?

Jack's big brown eyes signaled to the world that he was his daddy's son. His little hands always gripped a ball or a book. We always found him occupied with something. He was good kid. I hate the years starting now that are robbing me of his ascent into manhood. I miss you, Jack.

Caroline had her mother's curls. She loved ribbons and her big brother. She liked to help her mother cook, but loved to hear her daddy tell her a story - usually about a little girl named "Caroline". She was very sentimental and had a beautiful heart to match her face. When a spider would show up in the house uninvited, she would insist on me catching it and setting it free outside as opposed to me just killing it. I asked her if she liked spiders, but she said, "No! They are yucky! But they don't deserve to die just because I don't like them."

Caroline had beautiful blue eyes that melted everyone when she looked their way. She never realized what those eyes could do to me, but I knew what they would do to the boys that would line up for a date years down the road. Too bad I never had the opportunity to keep them away.

One of her favorite places to be was buried into my side on the recliner as I read stories to her and her brother. When I would move my arm to turn a page or take a drink, she pouted in her little way until she could move my arm back around her.

My baby girl couldn't go to sleep until I tucked her in and sang the chorus of Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline" to her. She would close her eyes pretending to fall asleep quickly, but her smile gave her away. I would play along and tip-toe towards the door, but she always whispered softly, "I love you, Daddy," as if she was saying it in her sleep.

My kids are gone now. They never had a chance. We never had a chance to welcome them into our family. Their mother left for the weekend and came back someone else. She officially left the marriage today. She took with her both of our children although the first one was probably still a year or so away. Still, as you can see, they were very real to me.

Fundie Mormons, Blog Debates, and Cardell McFarland

NEWS FLASH is basically news or thoughts that may be changing over time - an update or an evolution of thought that covers a multiple of topics. It is what makes a blogger tick and it is the reason why we read. So, with that in mind, I came up with NEWS FLASH as an acronym that stands for what is going on in life:



News (or current events)
Entertainment (movies, TV, celebrity, etc.)
Writing (thoughts on the blog(s) or other writing projects)
Spirit (thoughts on God and/or the supernatural)
Family (or friends)
Love
Anxiety (a rant or a trouble)
Sports (also considered should be contests, reality TV, recreation, cards, games), and
Home (house, yard, or even another family type of thought.
___________________________________________________________________

It is time again for another version of what is going on in Jeff's head. I guess the first thing that is going on is that he is referring to himself in the third person - just kidding. I did make another revision in the whole NEWS FLASH format. "W" no longer designates "work." Now it stands for "writing." Work is just too boring to refer to every time. If something exciting happens, I can work it into some other category or just make a post devoted to it.

NEWS - I didn't really want to comment on the FLDS (Fundemental Latter Day Saints) church, but it just won't go away in the news, will it? Now it comes to the attention of the public through the media that a majority of the teenage girls that were taken from the compound were either pregnant or already mothers. I don't feel the need to comment on that particular aspect. I am sure that everyone has their own feelings about it. Instead, I will just state that not only do I feel sorry for the girls whose childhood was robbed from them, but I also feel sorry for the mainstream Mormon church and really, all religions in general. We all have taken a beating from the events surrounding Eldorado, Texas.

Unfortunately for him and his supporters, but it is my guess that Mitt Romney can forget about any vice-presidential ambitions now. Society loves the concept of "guilty by association", even if that association is nonexistant for any practical purpose.

ENTERTAINMENT - CBS's Big Brother is now over for this cycle. It was more satisfying this year than last. The last two standing this time were two likeable guys. Where last year, the last two were the the two one would LEAST want to win (with apologies to Evel Dick), it resulted that there was apathy over the final show of the cycle. This year, most people were satisfied with whoever won in the last episode. I guess the only thing more satisfying is if a desirable is up against an undesirable and the desirable wins. Maybe next time.

WRITING - Apparently, I am still blogging. I am torn between being overly nice in debating situations, or just let 'em rip. I have a lot of experience debating on some board sites where people are just brutal to one another. I am not for that at all. However, I do not mind a little edgy bantering as long as there are no PERSONAL attacks. Right now, I am stuck in limbo when it applies to this blog. Doggone it, I love a good debate!

SPIRIT - A lot of people who claim to be Christians do not act like it. I touched on this a bit with my last post - at least in the comment section. People should be recognized as Christian by the fruit they bear.

"The single greatest cause of atheism in the world today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, then walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable" -- Brennan Manning

FAMILY - We are having the big rummage sale this weekend. I am dreading it. It is quite an undertaking. It will help if we can move a bunch of stuff, though. I am having it at my house that I have been trying to sell. Wish me luck!

LOVE - Since the near divorce a few short weeks ago, things have been quite nice with my wife. It is really odd how life and marriage is in my world. I hope we turned the corner, but I have had that hope many times before. Hopefully, I can learn to trust her again. Hopefully, I will find good reason to.

ANXIETY - I don't want to mention driving again, but it is the first thing I always think of - you know the people that believe that traffic laws do not apply to them. Trying to keep five dogs quiet while feeding and letting them out at 5 am is right up there, too, for causing anxiety. The misbehaving kindergartners I tutor do their fair share of being grey hair causing agents. I guess right now, it is the upcoming rummage sale that has got my anxiety-filled attention this week.

SPORTS - A kid who went to my high school signed a national letter of intent to play basketball for Missouri State. Cardell McFarland has worked hard in a Maine prep school to make sure he was ready, both physically, and scholastically to play college basketball. Most didn't think he would ever play in college. So far, so good. I'm pulling for him. He could be a GREAT college basketball player. Remember his name!

HOME - As far as buying the "dream house" as mentioned in the last NEWS FLASH, wiser heads prevailed and we are passing on it. Fortunately for me, my wife caught a little wisdom herself so I avoided being the bad guy. We are definitely going to move, barring the marriage takes another hit, but we need more time and money. Doesn't everyone?

Hillary, Smart People, a Mansion, and the Prodigal Wife

THIS IS CONTINUED FROM THE PREVIOUS POST!

NEWS FLASH is basically news or thoughts that may be changing over time - an update or an evolution of thought that covers a multiple of topics. It is what makes a blogger tick and it is the reason why we read. So, with that in mind, I came up with NEWS FLASH as an acronym that stands for what is going on in life:



News (or current events)
Entertainment (movies, TV, celebrity, etc.)
Work (thoughts on the job or employer)
Spirit (thoughts on God and/or the supernatural)
Family (or friends)
Love
Anxiety (a rant or a trouble)
Sports (also considered should be contests, reality TV, recreation, cards, games), and
Home (house, yard, or even another family type of thought.
___________________________________________________________________

NEWS - For the reasons outlined in the previous post, Psychosomatic Wit endorses Hillary Clinton. I still believe Barack Obama will win the nomination, however. Hillary hasn't thanked me yet. You think you know a person . . .

ENTERTAINMENT - Movie Review "Smart People" - This movie is about a dysfunctional family in an academic setting. It stars Dennis Quaid as Lawrence Weatherholt, a college professor and widower. His daughter, Vanessa Wetherhold, is played by Juno's Ellen Page, and his son, James Wetherhold is portrayed sparingly by Ashton Holmes. Sarah Jessica Parker plays Quaid's new love interest, Janet Hartigan . Lawrence's adopted brother, Chuck Wetherhold, played by Thomas Haden Church adds a comedic contrast from the overly intellectual family of dysfunction.

This motion picture is entertaining enough, but it had some distractors. Ellen Page's character is very similar to the character she played in Juno. She is more conservative in this film, but her personality is very similar. There were some contradictions in the character that distracted me, but overall, it was a good performance. Sarah Jessica Parker's portrayal of Janet, former student of Quaid's and present doctor threw me off balance as the movie progressed towards a conclusion. She appeared to be the one character in the film that had it all together. However, a couple of scenes put that into question which makes the viewer wonder where one can find a sane perch to the view this spectacle. As for the other acting performances, Dennis Quaid was good enough in playing a role that isn't typical for him and Haden's portrayal of Chuck added the much needed humorous element.

Smart People is a formula movie, so it is somewhat predictable. I am one of the few people who does not mind "predictable" as long as it is done correctly. Unpredictable movies often leave a bad taste because one's mind wants an orderly resolution. This movie is good enough. If you are a movie buff and see a ton of movies, I would recommend to you to go see it. However, if you go to the theater in a more sparingly fashion, there are probably other options that would be more satisfying. It is a good rental movie. My grade - B.

WORK - I am entering into a partnership with a guy I have known all my life. We buy old vehicles, repair them, and sell them at a decent profit. He has done this sort of thing before, and has found it very profitable. Since it is going to be his main source of income, he is dedicated to the proposition. This could help us both quite a bit. Keep your fingers crossed.

SPIRIT - I have taken great comfort lately in knowing the reality of my soul and spirit. Living in this fallen world where there is lying, cheating, stealing, greed, and murder, I take great solace that I have hitched my wagon to a God that transcends all that. Knowing that no matter how hard this life is, that my permanent home is not here and that something greater is always waiting just beyond the horizon. This is not a hope, but a know. The path to this knowledge is trying to understand these things that go beyond our own scope. However, this pales in comparison to the point when we can know without understanding.

FAMILY - I recently got my sister's car repaired so she could help me with my mother more. It has been a week, and haven't seen her since. My other sister is transferring back from a nursing home into the hospital proper. Who knows how this is going to work itself out. My mother has been throwing up a lot lately. I changed around the way I dispense her medicine to her and she has been vomit-free the past four days. Praise God!

LOVE (or lunacy) - My marriage was all but ended last I NEWS FLASHED. Without getting into too much detail, she decided to stay literally in the last hour. Lest you believe that this was posturing, I know that she had to cancel plans - including stopping a realtor from putting the house on the block. I really don't know what happened. I am not prepared to write about it anyway. I do know it has something to do with me being there for her despite this adversity, and a conversation she had with her father. It has been two weeks and things have been much better for us. Perhaps she learned something that stuck. Perhaps not. At this point, I cannot let my guard down. However, the faithful romantic and cock-eyed optimist that I am is looking forward to the day that I can.

ANXIETY - For some reason, they have removed all the mailboxes (drop boxes) in the town I work. If you want to mail a letter, you must either have it ready at your own mailbox before the postman gets there, or you have to take it to the post office yourself. I don't really get this. They keep raising the price for postage, yet we are getting less service for the price. How difficult is it to empty one of these boxes while the postman is delivering at the address where the box is?

SPORTS - I entered three NCAA basketball tournament bracket contests. I won one, came in second in another and didn't place in the third. Altogether, I won $90. The irritating thing is that the one I came in second on, I actually picked the winner (Kansas) where the first place guy picked Memphis, PLUS I picked more games right than the winner of the pool. The scoring is skewed, wouldn't you say? Had I won, it would have been $350.

HOME - There is a chance that I am going to buy another house. As stupid as it sounds, one of my dream homes has come on the market. It is in the downtown historic district by the river and it was built in 1899. It was a mansion in its day. If I was only more sure about my future . . .

Beginnings, Endings, Big Brother, and Gun Control

NEWS FLASH is basically news or thoughts that may be changing over time - an update or an evolution of thought that covers a multiple of topics. It is what makes a blogger tick and it is the reason why we read. So, with that in mind, I came up with NEWS FLASH as an acronym that stands for what is going on in life:



News (or current events)
Entertainment (movies, TV, celebrity, etc.)
Work (thoughts on the job or employer)
Spirit (thoughts on God and/or the supernatural)
Family (or friends)
Love
Anxiety (a rant or a trouble)
Sports (also considered should be contests, reality tv, recreation, cards, games), and
Home (house, yard, or even another family type of thought.
___________________________________________________________________

NEWS - The debate has heated up in my last post concerning the 2nd Amendment (right to bear arms). The Supreme Court is expected to clarify the controversey around this in this session. See my take and the ensuing debate between Kristen (of course) and myself in Second (2nd) Amendment Right or Myth.

ENTERTAINMENT - Well, Evel Dick and I were both right; he implied that he would be back on Big Brother and I stated that if he did, it would be in the lame cameo appearance role. You can see that little exchange here, and yes I have a few reasons to believe that it was really Evel Dick.

WORK - I am kind of getting a little behind in my work. It really has never been like this before. I am usually a "stay ahead of the game" kind of guy. I really don't know what it is. I guess I am just tired and distracted.

SPIRIT - I am starting to draw closer to God. I have made some decisions that has caused some strain and pain, but it is in line with a biblical approach to life. The world screams when you move in that kind of direction and I do feel the strain. However, I do believe that it will be worth it in the long run.

FAMILY - My sister is getting back from her extended trip this weekend. She is the "good" sister that helps out with my mother and the other family members in need. I am hoping that it will give me some help, but anymore, I don't count on it.

LOVE - Life is funny. As those that have been following along at home (or at work as the case may be), last time here I defended my wife and tried to show her loving side. Well apparently, for some reason, my wife and I didn't see things the same way (I thought they were starting to get better; she didn't). She informed me that she was done and that she is getting out. Life is funny, but I am not laughing.

ANGUISH - See: "LOVE"

SPORTS - On the bright side of things, I am doing very well in my NCAA basketball tourney pools. Might come in handy for lawyer's fees.

HOME - Recently, I have hit it off with one of my commissioners. We seem to have a lot in common and can talk to each other at deeper level than most friends. In a recent conversation, he heard me mention my first car that I still have and that I have been trying to get it restored. He got excited and said, I have the garage and the help; let's get it going! Nice to have a good friend like that. He is older, wiser, and I think a good mentor-type guy. I have never had that; I was always the mentor-type for other people.

Obama, Will Ferrell, and Another Reason To Hate Hunting

NEWS FLASH is basically news or thoughts that may be changing over time - an update or an evolution of thought that covers a multiple of topics. It is what makes a blogger tick and it is the reason why we read. So, with that in mind, I came up with NEWS FLASH as an acronym that stands for what is going on in life:



News (or current events)
Entertainment (movies, TV, celebrity, etc.)
Work (thoughts on the job or employer)
Spirit (thoughts on God and/or the supernatural)
Family (or friends)
Love
Anxiety (a rant or a trouble)
Sports (also considered should be contests, reality tv, recreation, cards, games), and
Home (house, yard, or even another family type of thought.
___________________________________________________________________

NEWS - I am finally ready to make a prediction in the presidential race. No, this prediction isn't based on any psychic thoughts so those of you trying to urge me to get back into that deal can relax. Nope, this is based on my knowledge of politics and political history. So, with my poli-sci degree held firmly in hand, Psychosomatic Wit projects Senator Barack Obama the winner of the Democratic nomination for president.

Here is the reason: Hillary Clinton has no chance without the super delegates alligning for her. For those of you that do not know, super delegates are those who vote for who they want to regardless of how the citizens voted in their states. The super delegates will NOT vote for Clinton if the majority of the popular vote and elected delegates support Obama. It looks like this will be the case.

The Democrat party cannot afford to have the appearance to steal the election away from an African-American. It would ultimately lose a big portion of their voting base if they did. African-Americans are loyal to a culture more than a party. They were overwhelmingly Republican until 1960 - when the Kennedys championed ML King and the causes of civil rights. As a group with a painful history of oppression, they could easily change allegiances if they feel betrayed. Since African-Americans are overwhelmingly supporting Obama, Democrats will have to tread lightly. They would easily risk the White House this year to the Republicans in return for not losing the African-American portion of their base.

ENTERTAINMENT - I caught the new movie, Semi-Pro, the new Will Ferrell vehicle. If you like all of his other movies, you will like this one. If you are wanting something a little different, you will be disappointed. What bothers me the most about his movies is that they could make them "PG" without losing any humor. Think of the funniest parts of a Will Ferrell movie. They are seldom the things that would cause an "R" rating. I guess we will always be stuck with some content that isn't suitable for kids - or the rest of us for that matter.

WORK - Things are picking up a pretty good pace here. I have a big meeting coming up, an annual report and a budget that has to be done. I also, have to reschedule our big event that was cancelled because of weather. On top of that, my intern disappeared and got married. She is just 17 and still in high school. Poor kid!

SPIRIT - Life is very difficult and confusing right now for me. It feels like I am ALWAYS at a crossroads. I honestly don't know what is going to happen with any facet of my life presently. These are the times when I thank God that I don't have to know. I can let go of the wheel and let God guide me to where I need to be. My best thinking has gotten me to this state of confusion so I understand that surrendering to a higher power is the best way to get me to where I need to be. I just so happen to be able to commune with the highest power. Praise God.

FAMILY - Oh boy, my little sister is in the hospital again and they want to put her in a nursing home. She is not happy about it. Every one in my family has car troubles and transportation now is at a premium. We (my wife and I) are down to one working vehicle. We'll get by.

LOVE - I continue to learn and practice stated learning about how to deal with my marriage. Lately, my wife has been struggling emotionally. It scares me, but now I have been just giving her space. She has told me that she doesn't want space during these times, but I guess I want it. I don't trust myself to say the right things. As thin as I am spread now, I REALLY don't trust myself.

ANGUISH - What is bothering me the most right now is illness. I just can't seem to get and stay healthy. I think it is a combination of being spread too thin, being around little kids that I tutor, and not getting enough rest. Now, on top of this horrible cold that I have, I also sport a conglomeration of cold sores on my upper lip. It is the worst thing. Everywhere I go, I feel like that Tide commercial for the stain remover where the guy is in a job interview, but the stain on his shirt keeps attracting the interviewers attention by shouting nonsense words while the poor guy is trying to answer the interview questions. With me, it is the cold sores that draw the attention of everyone around me like ham sandwich attracts a dog's. Either I have the worst colds on the planet, or I am the biggest baby when it comes to colds. I don't really care which it is, the fact remains that I really suffer through these things.

SPORTS - It is championship week for college basketball. The tournament brackets come out Sunday and I am usually in the middle of several pools. I normally run my own, so if anyone wants to fill out a bracket, let me know. It is hard to be too excited for my Indiana team, though. They haven't done very well since losing their cheater of a coach. I think they are probably one win and done this year, which is a shame since they have all the ingredients to make a strong run.

HOME - The drama of the week around the homestead has to be with my retriever Marley. A while back, I told you about his problem with his hip and back. You should read about it here to get the full effect of this bit of drama. Ninety-nine percent of you are skipping the link and continuing so I guess that is your loss. Anyway, we took him to our new vet (the one my wife now works for) to see what he thought about it. He cleaned out some infected scar tissue and had an x-ray done. The x-ray should have been done last year by former vet because it had an interesting story to tell. My poor dog, Marley, has an arrow head in his back. It is one of those nasty hunter's tips that expand inside its target. It barely missed his spinal cord but is still causing problems. Someone must have shot him from a deer stand when he was just a little pup. The bones have now grown around the arrow head and it will nearly be impossible to get out. The vet has referred him to another vet in another town that is more of an expert on this type of back thing. This will be very expensive so we can kiss Jamaica goodbye.

You know, I really hate hunting and the whole hunting mentality. How someone can get enjoyment out of killing beautiful animals is beyond my ability to understand. It is also pretty scary. I mean, if someone can guiltlessy slaughter a beautiful and graceful deer, how far is that removed from blowing away an ugly and offending human? Now I have a great dog that has been suffering needlessly for years because someone with no sense was, and probably still is, weilding a weapon. It sickens me.

The Time of my Wife

It has been said here and elsewhere that my wife is immature and has other unflattering attributes that prevent her from having a healthy relationship with me. Because of my influence, i.e. my point of view, all evidence presented here would back up those assertions. There is some truth to these, I wistfully admit. However, there is another side of her. I think it is only fair to present this side.

A couple of months ago, we were in dire need of a new vacuum cleaner. Having five dogs will re-arrange one's priorities in this manner. We ended up shelling out major bucks for a Dyson (I whole-heartedly endorse this product, by the way). As a result, she made me agree to not do anything for Valentine's Day - in the line of gifts. None for me. None for her. Just cards.

Monday, February 11 - I find this note with an artificial sunflower (my favorite flower):

Happy Valentine's Week

Day 1

These are a few of your favorite things . . .

When I think of you, I think of sunflowers!

Love you,

Your Wife

Tuesday, February 12 - I find this note with a small horseshoe. I LOVE horses and horse racing. I am not all about the betting aspect, just a love for horses and watching them run:

Happy Valentine's Week

Day 2

These are a few of your favorite things . . .

When I think of you, I think of your love of horses!

(This is an aluminum race plate worn on a winning thoroughbred at Oaklawn Park in

Hot Springs, Arkansas. It still has racetrack dirt in it - that has to be lucky!)

Love you,

Your Wife

Wednesday, February 13 - I find this note with a folded t-shirt. On it was "Jamaica" nicely stitched on the front:

Happy Valentine's Day

Day 3

These are a few of your favorite things . . .

When I think of you, I think of t-shirts. Just kidding!

I think of our honeymoon in Yeah-Mon Land (Sigh. . .)

Love you,

Your Wife

Finally, on Valentine's Day she showered me with sugar free candy (respecting my diet and knowing that I like it). She even found sugar-free peeps! I LOVE peeps. She gave me a wonderful card and framed, old-fashioned, artistic print of the Island of Jamaica.

She didn't give me just a token, obligatory card. She put effort into it and made me feel that I was worth the trouble.

When I thought about doing this post, I thought that the Valentine's story would be it. However, earlier this week, my wife choked me up again. Monday night I got home late. I was bustled because I had to rush from my main job to a secondary job teaching a class on SAT preparation. After I was finished, I called my wife and asked her if I could bring something home for her. See, I am always mindful that my wife may feel that I am neglecting her because I am always busy. Sometimes I feel that she doesn't understand all the things I do nor understand all the reasons that I do them.

I stopped and brought home a bite to serve as a late supper for us. After eating, I had to run some errands (picking up prescriptions, check on my mother, etc. and take out my mother's trash (trash night for her and me on Mondays). Of course, I got home late and exhausted. My wife was already in bed, but left me a note. It literally choked me up:

"Dearest Jeff,

I want you to know that I REALLY, appreciate all the many things you do each and every day. You are a great son, teacher, helper, and of course, husband. I don't know what I (or anyone else!) would do without you. Thanks for being who you are. You're good at it!

Love you and goodnight,

Your Wife"

I don't know if any of you will really get what I got out of that, but you don't have to. It worked for me and it was the best thing I could have found that night. Oh, how I wanted to wake her up and let her know. . . but I let her sleep.

As I was getting ready to send this, I received a text message from her that only said, "Love you".

Enough said.

Love Lessons Learned

The last couple of days have been challenging on the home front. However, only I know how challenging they have been. That is a big lesson in of itself.

My wife and I have been both struggling with emotions lately. She has because . . . that is just part of her make-up. I have because I have been exhausted. It got the better of me on Friday night.

We went out, did some things, ended up at Barnes and Noble to glance over books and get a cafe drink. She found some interesting board games on clearance. Big mistake. I asked her if we got them, would she be willing to go and play them with my nephew and his wife?

She replied, "No."

To make a long story short, I got a little miffed because she is unwilling to be around my FAMILY to play games that SHE is interested in. There is nothing wrong with my nephew and wife. She just doesn't like them or something. She didn't like that I couldn't accept it very easily.

Then, she got wise. She threw my words back in my face. She set it up by saying, "You knew that I wasn't a social person when you married me. " Her following phrase came from my own book, "Your expectations of me as your spouse is your own worst enemy. People will always fail your expectations so don't put so much stock in them."

Here comes the lesson again, "Just keep your mouth shut." Ten thousand responses came into my head just dying to get out. From, "yeah, I guess it is unreasonable to expect you to interact with my family that is now YOUR family" to "well, I guess your expectations of me being faithful are your own worst enemy if I should stray," and a thousand hateful others burst into my head like the finale at a Fourth of July fireworks display.

Somehow, I just kept my mouth shut. Tragedy avoided.

Fast forward to last night. As many of you know, "Big Brother" is one of my guilty pleasures. I don't have many. We started recording the live feed on Showtime last season just to keep track of stuff and all the drama. No problem.

Last night, my wife informed me that we were not going to record or watch that anymore because the previous night's feed was "pornographic." So, she deleted it and will not record it anymore. Silently, I was infuriated. In all of last year and the first two weeks of this year there was no pornography. If there was a lapse the previous night (which I was skeptical), I was not going to pass judgement over one night. Plus, my wife thinks that the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue is pornography (I don't, but I still haven't seen that issue since college for whatever reason).

I take issue with my wife's scensorship of my viewing for the following reasons:

A. She is not my mother (this could be broken up into several reasons really); and

B. I pay for the satelite

I handled the situation much like the Barnes and Noble incident, I kept my mouth shut. I wasn't going to be put into the position of defending "pornography". Besides, emotions have been running high anyway. She NEVER knew that I was miffed and the marriage avoided a hit. As an aside, I recorded the thing anyway and skimmed through it this morning. Guess what? No pornography.

Finally, yesterday my wife's boss called her and told her that one of the girls couldn't make it in and may not make it tomorrow (today) so she should be ready to be called in. She wasn't called last night and she stayed up late (and kept me up). The girl called her this morning and she hit the roof (with me, not the girl)! I didn't think she was going to go in and I got a little uptight. My wife only works part time. We have no kids, and I have taken a couple of extra jobs to make ends meet. She was warned that she may have to come in and somehow she thinks it is unfair. It was very difficult for me to sympathize and it was all I could do to not throw water on her in bed!

I left her in bed as I went to check on my mom. When I got back she was up and was getting ready but she was upset and believed she had been victimized. How did I handle it?

I gave her hug, made her some Irish Breakfast Tea, packed her lunch and left her a note inside it telling her that I loved her and was proud of her for facing the day. Lesson? You get more results from reward and encouragement than from berating. She went to work; that was enough for me today.

One big lesson in marriage, I have learned, is that you have to pick your battles. She went to work. Had she not have gone, I would be gearing up for war.

NEWS FLASH - Third Week of February '08

NEWS FLASH is basically news or thoughts that may be changing over time - an update or an evolution of thought that covers a multiple of topics. It is what makes a blogger tick and it is the reason why we read. So, with that in mind, I came up with NEWS FLASH as an acronym that stands for what is going on in life:



News (or current events)
Entertainment (movies, TV, celebrity, etc.)
Work (thoughts on the job or employer)
Spirit (thoughts on God and/or the supernatural)
Family (or friends)
Love
Anxiety (a rant or a trouble)
Sports (also considered should be contests, reality tv, recreation, cards, games), and
Home (house, yard, or even another family type of thought.
___________________________________________________________________

The Word of the week is "Antichrist".

NEWS - It is looking like the race for the White House is all but sewn up for the primary season. John McCain continues to mount his delegates over many conservatives' (including the loudmouths such as Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter) lamentations. I have to admire Mike Huckabee's spunk, by the way, because he is staying in the race despite party pressure to back out. Huckabee, on MSNBC this morning, denounced the party's pressure to resign citing that the GOP "used to be the party that welcomed competition". He is concerned that it is losing its way.

On the Democrat front, Barrack Obama continues to roll through the primaries. If Hillary Clinton does not win Texas and Ohio, and win them big, she will be more done than a floating hushpuppy. Then, and only then, will Obama get the scrutiny from the media that is probably overdue in a fair fight.

Obama's popularity is both predictable and astounding. He is fresh and he sings a pretty tune. Perhaps he has the skills and chops to back up his performances;, we can only hope. Hopefully, he isn't the antichrist. Before you scoff TOO MUCH, keep in mind that the antichrist is supposed to be a young, charasmatic leader that will come out of nowhere, and win over the hearts of minds of the masses. Obama IS that definition. Plus, he has ties to the Middle East and there are many questions about his belief system.

ENTERTAINMENT - Big Brother 9 is back and so far, I am not feeling it. It is partly my own fault, however - or let's just say it is the fault of the local CBS station here. There was a technical problem because of our recent ice storm that knocked it off the air. Only local cable companies were able to carry programming. I have DirecTV and it wasn't happening there. So, I Tivo'd hours of "technical difficulty" screens instead of the premier of Big Brother 9. In trying to catch up, it seems there isn't enough diversity this year. All the cast members are relatively young and single. All of a strong command of the "F" word and thrive on petty drama. It is like watching a college dorm. Maybe it will get better. At least that antichrist, Evel Dick, isn't on the show this year.

WORK - I'm exhausted. My big event was cancelled because of the ice storm so I have to start all over and reschedule. My other job things are taking up a lot of my other time, thus the blog is indeed, suffering. No antichrist citing here; it would be more contrived than the one above.

SPIRIT - I bet you think this will have something to do with the antichrist, don't you? Well, nope. This is really about love. I wrote in my other blog a GREAT love story dealing with Valentine's Day that would behove you to read if you want to feel warm or need a little cry. You can find it here.

FAMILY - The wife is turning on the pressure to start a family. I like to be better prepared than to just launch into something like that. Because I want to wait to make sure that the MARRIAGE IS ACTUALLY HEALTHY and also wanting an adequate financial base, I am all of the sudden the antichrist! I guess I can live with that.

LOVE - Oddly enough, the motivation for wanting to start a family is making my wife be on her best behavior. Things seem to be a little better and she is no longer acting like the antichrist. I hope it is sincere. Only time will tell and I am one careful man.

ANXIETY - Money, fatigue, and pressure to start a family is really getting to me.

SPORTS - The Kelvin Sampson show at Indiana University is coming to a close. Amid NCAA investigations, IU nation has low tolerance for cheaters. Quite coincidentally, if you believe in coincidences, Bob Knight resigns at Texas Tech two days before this NCAA charges come against Sampson. Now the elephant in the room is could Bob Knight return to Indiana? A lot of folks, and I am one of them, would LOVE to see Knight back. It makes sense for the university because they may have a more favorable position with NCAA if they sack Sampson in favor of a coach who above reproach when coming to cheating and encouraging players to graduate. Some people may consider Knight as the antichrist, but there is no quarrel with this aspect of his resume'. Still, it is a long shot for the return of Mr. Indiana Basketball. I like longshots.

HOME - It should be only a matter of months now before I can officially sell the house. So far so good. That will help my finances and please my wife. How it all works out is in God's hands. The money, the marriage and subsequent babies. I have turned it all over to him. Right now, He likes my patience.

NEWS FLASH - Last Week of January '08

NEWS FLASH is basically news or thoughts that may be changing over time - an update or an evolution of thought that covers a multiple of topics. It is what makes a blogger tick and it is the reason why we read. So, with that in mind, I came up with NEWS FLASH as an acronym that stands for what is going on in life:



News (or current events)
Entertainment (movies, TV, celebrity, etc.)
Work (thoughts on the job or employer)
Spirit (thoughts on God and/or the supernatural)
Family (or friends)
Love
Anxiety (a rant or a trouble)
Sports (also considered should be contests, reality tv, recreation, cards, games), and
Home (house, yard, or even another family type of thought.
___________________________________________________________________

NEWS: The candidates in both parties' primaries are whittling down. On the Democratic side, there is just Clinton and Obama left. I think this will go down to the wire. If I were to make a prediction, I would say it will be Clinton at the convention. On the Republican side, there are still, technically, four candidates. It looks like just two have a chance, though; they are McCain and Romney. Huckabee is a very long shot at this point, but politics can change with the wind.

Experts say that the longer Huckabee is in, the better off McCain is because Huckabee and Romney are competing for the same votes. These so-called experts think political philosophy is the driving force with the voters in the Republican party. Romney and Huckabee are both more conservative than McCain, so the conservative vote is split therefore giving an advantage to McCain (because his support isn't split).

However, with my political science degree firmly in my hand, I disagree with the experts. I say that Huckabee takes away McCain supporters instead. Here is why: Huckabee's base is evangelical and fundemental Christians. These types believe that Romney belongs to a cult (the Mormon church). This religious belief trumps any political ideology loyalty for this group of people. Conservative Christians are mormophobes. Therefore, if Huckabee drops out, the support will swell for McCain, not Romney because Huckabee supporters will not back a Mormon. This is just my theory. Stay tuned to see if the TV experts or yours truly has a better grip on this election.

ENTERTAINMENT: I am anxiously waiting for the new 3-D U2 movie to hit my local Imax. A friend of mine saw it in Indianapolis and said it was unbelievable. U2 is timeless and I really miss 3-D movies anyway!

WORK: Busy. My intern believes when there is turbulence in the personal life, all other things are allowed to come to a grinding halt. She will learn or become part of the homeless masses.

SPIRIT: Had an argument with a close friend about God and evangelism. He has had a major life transformation so he is inclined to believe any other path (other than his specific one) may not lead to God. He wouldn't admit it as I worded it, but that is what he is arguing. I believe all true paths go through Christ (so does he), however, I believe there are many paths that will get you there. Christ is the key, though.

FAMILY: One sister is in the hospital. One is stranded by car trouble. My wife is . . . my wife. The comments on my last blog post made me realize more that there is no one there to care for me. My wife doesn't. Twice this week, I observed that if I want to do something that doesn't interest her, I do it alone or don't do it. However, when she is interested in something - even if I am not that much, I do it with her. I believe that is what a husband does. My gosh, marriage sure can be a lonely proposition.

LOVE: I think the girl in the local Grandy's has a crush on me. Today, she asked me if I am having "the usual". I didn't realize anyone paid attention to what I ordered. Then, she went back and made my stuff fresh and added cheese to my eggs. Then she apologized for my wait (which wasn't really outside of the ordinary) and gave me my meal for half price. I guess someone is looking out for me afterall. LOL

ANXIETY: I am tutoring a kindergartner that will not concentrate AT ALL. His twin sister can, but he can't or won't. When I work with letter flashcards, instead of thinking about the card, he just rambles off random letters. I try to work with him on just the concentration but he just doesn't get it. I really want him to succeed. Any suggestions?

SPORTS: Superbowl this week. I am hoping for the upset NY Giants over the Patriots. However, that isn't likely. Maybe the commercials will be good!

HOME: I have lost 17 pounds in the last three weeks. The low-carb diet is doing me justice. Anyone want to join me with the low carb? I am inventing and discovering some killer recipes!

NEWS FLASH - Third Week of January '08

NEWS FLASH is basically news or thoughts that may be changing over time - an update or an evolution of thought that covers a multiple of topics. It is what makes a blogger tick and it is the reason why we read. So, with that in mind, I came up with NEWS FLASH as an acronym that stands for what is going on in life:



News (or current events)
Entertainment (movies, TV, celebrity, etc.)
Work (thoughts on the job or employer)
Spirit (thoughts on God and/or the supernatural)
Family (or friends)
Love
Anxiety (a rant or a trouble)
Sports (also considered should be contests, reality tv, recreation, cards, games), and
Home (house, yard, or even another family type of thought.
___________________________________________________________________
Today's word, boys and girls is SACRIFICE!


NEWS - Senater John McCain has won some respect back from me this week. He was speaking in Michigan to group when he encountered a heckler in the front row. Instead of ignoring him or trying to make him look small, he invited comment from the man. The man told him that he would love to be able to talk to him sometime about the differences in issues and McCain told him that he would call him. Two and half hours later, McCain actually called the guy and SACRIFICED precious time for a guy that wasn't even a supporter to have a ten minute conversation. That shows good character.

ENTERTAINMENT - American Idol returns tonight on Fox. Everyone talks about how this show is waning. I don't know if that is true. I imagine it is going to have a surge in ratings this time because the writers' strike will eliminate a lot of the competition. So, the scripted shows will be SACRIFICED for these type of reality programs. Anyone ready here to talk about Idol this year?

WORK - Big meeting coming up tomorrow. It is so big, mind you, that it is amazing that I am making this post today. I lined up a great speaker for the annual breakfast workshop my commission sponsors every February. There is an elderly nun that runs a nonprofit organization that helps hispanic and latino people that have migrated to the area. This fine lady has SACRIFICED her whole life and has done so much for the area over the years that she is sometimes referred to as the "Mother Theresa of Owensboro, KY."

SPIRIT - I have been thinking a lot lately of SACRIFICE. A lot of people seem to believe that God wants us to give up things just for the sake of denying ourselves - for instance some give up things for the 40 days of Lent. I don't think God is much interested in this type of SACRIFICE. If giving up meat, sugar or alcohol for 40 days enables you to contemplate on God more, then more power to you. Don't stop the practice! Jesus, indeed, SACRIFICED his life for those who believe - to bridge the gap between man and God. We should SACRIFICE, also, but not unto death or pointless denial. I believe that we SACRIFICE unto life. For believers, we identify with the human death of Christ, but SACRIFICE our lives unto Him. Got more than you bargained for in "Spirit" this week, eh? ;)

FAMILY - I discovered this week, that my "long lost brother" is back living in the area. Last I heard, he was living in Florida. My brother runs his own game. He disappears and we find out through various channels that he is living in another part of the country - that sort of thing. It has been years since I have talked to him. He doesn't call. It turns out that he lives in the area and works in my city and has been here since before Thanksgiving. He didn't care to let anyone know or share the holidays with his family for whatever reason. The latest theory is that since my dad died when I was 18, it affected my brother so much that he didn't want to be around the family much after that lest he would have to deal with another loss. So, he SACRIFICES time with those who truly love him in order to not hurt so much when his family of strangers pass away. Who really knows, though? I tried to ask him before about this stuff, but he really doesn't have an answer.

LOVE - The other night, I had it out with my wife. It wasn 't a yelling match or anything like that, it was a state of the relationship speech. The Reader's Digest version is that I told her that I have done all I could do with the marriage and it is on borrowed time. I listed how I have worked hard and SACRIFICED for the marriage everyday, listed the things I do to put her and the marriage's interest before my own personal ones. I asked her what she does for the marriage and she listed two things that she would do anyway even if she wasn't married to me. When I reminded her of that, she responded that she must not do anything for the marriage, then. I wasn't sure if it was sarcasm or realization but I left it right there.

Having talks with my wife is like taking antibotics for an infection. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Either way, one won't know for a couple of days. The rest of that day was shot for anything good; she was surly as ever. However, the next day was better and yesterday was awesome. Then today I get an e-card that read, "Jeff, I'm sorry for not being my best for a long time. I get apathetic and hopless pretty easily and I know it sucks for you - probably more than for me. Anyhow, I want us to be good again and to have those babies someday! Today was good and I want to have carbon copies of it for the rest of our lives!"

We have been through short spells of good days before just to be devistated when the hopelessness sets back in. However, all I can do is take one day at a time and today is a good one.

ANXIETY - I discovered that my car has another problem. It no longer blows hot air for heat or defrost. I suppose that the thermostat needs to be replaced. Sheesh, it is always something.

SPORTS - My wife and I watched my Indiana University Hoosiers defeat her University of Illinois Illini on Sunday. She wasn't too happy about it, but seemed to be happy to watch the game with me. By the way, Brian, if you are still out there, I am still waiting to hear about our IU/UoI bet. They play again Feberuary 7th.

HOME - I went to the visitation at a a funeral home the other day. One of my best friend's father-in-law passed away. The place was packed; undoubtedly this was a beloved man. The deceased's elderly sister passed out next to me in front of the casket.

Death is funny. People work their whole lives for this station or that thing. They SACRIFICE for their families and then all of the sudden they are gone. If this is all there is, than what a pointless waste life is! Fortunately, I know that there is something bigger, something that gives meaning to the multiple lives touched by a single person, and that death is REALLY just the beginning of a larger thing. Truthfully, I don't understand how nonbelievers cope.

This could have been in the SPIRIT part of this entry, but I really was thinking of my family and friends - my friend and his wife with the loss and those who are troubled with no understanding. I hope you aren't in that number, my friends.