Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Endings . . .

Rest In Peace: John Davis and Caroline Faye

Today I said goodbye to my son and daughter.

John Davis, our first born, was named after my wife's father. To avoid the confusion, we called him "Jack". Secretly, we just liked how it sounded. Th
e connection with her father was just another sign that we picked the right name. Jack was a little mischievous, but he was precocious and very inquisitive. He loved animals, sports, and his daddy. You would always find a baseball cap on his head, but it was never on straight.

In the evening, after I returned home from work Jack and I liked to sit outside and watch the birds eating from our smorgasbord of feeders. "That's a cardinal, Daddy," he would say. The little guy was great at memorizing bird n
ames, although he did have trouble distinguishing the difference between a sparrow and a wren - but who doesn't?

Jack's big brown eyes signaled to the world that he was his daddy's son. His little hands always gripped a ball or a book. We always found him occupied with something. He was good kid. I hate the years starting now that are robbing me of his ascent into manhood. I miss you, Jack.


Caroline had her mother's curls. She loved ribbons and her big brother. She liked to help her mother cook, but loved to hear her daddy tell her a story - usually about a little girl named "Caroline". She was very sentimental and had a beautiful heart to match her face. When a spider would show up in the house uninvited, she would insist on me catching it and setting it free outside as opposed to me just killing it. I asked her if she liked spiders, but she said, "No! They are yucky! But they don't deserve to die just because I don't like them."

Caroline had beautiful blue eyes that melted everyone when she looked their way. She never realized what those eyes could do to me, but I knew what they would do to the boys that would line up for a date years down the road. Too bad I never had the opportunity to keep them away.

One of her favorite places to be was buried into my side on the recliner as I read stories to her and her brother. When I would move my arm to turn a page or take a drink, she pouted in her little way until she could move my arm back around her.

My baby girl couldn't go to sleep until I tucked her in and sang the chorus of Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline" to her. She would close her eyes pretending to fall asleep quickly, but her smile gave her away. I would play along and tip-toe towards the door, but she always whispered softly, "I love you, Daddy," as if she was saying it in her sleep.

My kids are gone now. They never had a chance. We never had a chance to welcome them into our family. Their mother left for the weekend and came back someone else. She officially left the marriage today. She took with her both of our children although the first one was probably still a year or so away. Still, as you can see, they were very real to me.

10 comments:

Sayre said...

Oh, Jeff. I'm so sorry. I was hoping this was just another one of your short stories, but it feels much to real - especially at the end. Hugs for you.

HoosierGirl5 said...

I'm sorry, Jeff. I was hoping this wouldn't happen. I really would like to come visit and give you a hug. E-mail me if that would be possible.


Hugs, hugs, and more hugs.

J.

chosha said...

Wow, she really left for keeps? So sorry to hear that. You're right that certain possibilities have died today, but it's a new road, not a dead end. Anyway it sucks and I'm sorry you have to go through it.

kristarella said...

I didn't really think this would happen to you. I'm sorry.

bassman99 said...

If it's really over, it's over - a time for new beginnings and new opportunities. Look forward, not back. This might be the best thing that's ever happened to you.

I was devastated when my girlfriend dumped me a few years ago. Then I met someone else and life has never been better - we knew within days that we'd both found The One and that previous relationships had been no more than convenience or wishful thinking.

Upheaval can be scarey but for the time being you've got no-one to think of except yourself. Enjoy this time. Make the most of it. Have some fun.

Russell

Meg said...

I'm so sorry to hear that she left, Jeff. Hang in there.

Chris said...

Jeff,

Don't know where to begin or what I could even start to say. I just hope the hurt goes away soon.

Michelle said...

Oh Jeff .... :-((

I understand more than I have words to say. Just {{{{BIG HUGS}}}} and so sorry I'm late finding this (my computer hard drive went nuts last two weeks)

I agree with Russel - in my life I had to get my heart broken severely by the wrong person before I was ready for the right one. That fact may not help now, but it will later, I'm absolutely sure of it.

Jeff said...

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and encouragement. I know it is hard to know what to say, yet feel the pressure to say SOMETHING. If you are too encouraging, you give the illusion that you are not taking the present pain seriously. If you focus on the pain, then you risk the person getting irritated that people are pitying him. So, what is there to do?

Well, understand that I appreciate the thoughts no matter how they manifest in your comments. There is no need in worrying that you might say the wrong thing.

So, thanks again, all of you.

HollyGL said...

Oh, Jeff, I am so deeply, deeply sorry.