Have you ever listened to a song that you have heard a thousand times before, but it hits you suddenly like you have never heard it before? This has happened to me before and also today. I guess it is a matter of listening instead of hearing.
This is where some bloggers tend to list a whole song of lyrics for all to peruse. I am going to resist that urge and talk about a few things in the song instead - and yes, will probably include snippets of the lyrics. For some reason the whole song transcript thing just gets on my nerves.
The song in question is "I Need You to Love Me" by Barlow Girl. When I heard it today on the radio, I actually listened to every word. The tune and the sweetness of the harmony of the group's voices made it all the more bittersweet for me. It reminded me of my failures, but not in despair but in hope. It starts out this way:
"why, why are you still here with me
didn't you see what i've done?
in my shame i want to run and hide myself
but it's here i see the truth
i don't deserve you "
Facing God in a situation like that is heart wrenching - if you believe that He is there. There is no place to hide. Yet, if you feel the mercy and the Grace, you know the only place you want to run is to Him.
After taking you down the road of self-examination, we are led in the chorus to facing the moment, our needs, and our lifeline:
"but i need you to love me, and i
i won't keep my heart from you this time
and i'll stop this pretending that i can
somehow deserve what i already have
i need you to love me "
The last verse is what got me. It literally changed my state of being while driving to work:
"i just never saw how you could cherish me
'cause you're a god who has all things
and still you want me"
I understand that if you don't have this kind of vision of God, that this song really has no meaning for you. I don't want to sound superior, but I really pity those who do not know God or even recognize His existance. Without Him, all you have are others who have their own agendas and all of them do not include you. People, every single one, will ultimately let you down. All you have left is yourself and if you are as honest as I am at this moment, you know how wretched you really are.
Where is the hope? The hope lies with the One that includes you in every agenda. The One who does not grade you at every turn and will not turn from you when you betray Him. Because if you aren't in a state of betrayal to the God who sacrificed for you right now, you will be in the future. You can't help yourself. And when you are, He will still be there taking your best shots. He can't help Himself, either. It is His nature.
I am sure I will be there again as the first verse describes, wondering why God is still there after knowing what I have done. It is knowing that He will be is what gets me through today.