From time to time, most bloggers toy around with the idea of quitting. Life gets too hard, time problems, and internet stalking gives us pause about whether all this is worth it. I am no different. I am in the cross hairs of a gun that has the potential to shut this thing down - at least for a while.
As any of you who have read my blog in the last couple of months or so will attest, life hasn't been very kind to me lately. I climb each hill one by one and somehow keep on trucking with this little blog. I think it has been helpful to me and even some of you commented on how you get something out of it every once in while. That's great and it makes it a worthwhile endeavor.
Recently, I have noticed that I have gotten a little too fixated on the taxing things that are going on in my life. This effects me in a lot of ways. My blog can be interpreted as an invitation to a pity party. I truly don't want that. It can be just downright tiresome for people to read. I don't want that. However, more importantly, this whole exercise may have tainted my ability to perceive my own insensitivity. This, I can't tolerate.
I am a pretty sensitive guy. I have always found myself pretty much attuned to others' plights and have sincerely always wanted to be encouraging. On the inside, I think this who I am. On the outside, sometimes I am unable to discern what I am saying concerning how it may have an impact on other people.
I met with a friend at lunch today. I asked him for an opinion on how I should address an issue I have with someone in my life. I told him what I was thinking and he said, "I understand what you are saying and the logic behind it, but I don't think it is going to be received well. It surely will not have the desired effect that you are looking for." I was dumbfounded. My logic was flawless. Yet, that didnt' matter and finally the light bulb went off and I determined at that point that the recent stress in my life has had an adverse effect on my sensibilities.
It opened up my mind to a feedback exchange I had recently with another blogger. It wasn't testy, but I could tell that I wrote in the same such manner. At the time, I couldn't see what I was saying could be construed in any way other than what I meant. Now, I realize that I can't trust myself to know that. I may have hurt someone that I have truly come to care about. For that I am sorry. I tried to "fix" it and explain my intentions, but I guess it didn't take. What is worse is that I don't have the wisdom now to see whether or not I could have made things worse.
I have written all that to write this: It may not be in anyone's best interest for me to continue to blog and feedback until I get in a better place internally. I don't want to overreact, it is just something that I need to consider. The last thing I want to do is offend someone. It might be something as simple a concept as someone wanting to avoid getting pregnant. The only way to avoid it is to abstain. I will be mulling this over.
In the meantime, if I have been insensitive to anyone out there, I assure you it wasn't my intention. I am not making excuses, though. Words are too powerful to play with when impaired.
My first idea was to label this entry, "Thursday Thirteen - thirteen reasons I am giving up blogging." However, that would be a little insensitive. See what I mean?