Thursday, June 21, 2007

Maybe It Is Time

From time to time, most bloggers toy around with the idea of quitting. Life gets too hard, time problems, and internet stalking gives us pause about whether all this is worth it. I am no different. I am in the cross hairs of a gun that has the potential to shut this thing down - at least for a while.

As any of you who have read my blog in the last couple of months or so will attest, life hasn't been very kind to me lately. I climb each hill one by one and somehow keep on trucking with this little blog. I think it has been helpful to me and even some of you commented on how you get something out of it every once in while. That's great and it makes it a worthwhile endeavor.

Recently, I have noticed that I have gotten a little too fixated on the taxing things that are going on in my life. This effects me in a lot of ways. My blog can be interpreted as an invitation to a pity party. I truly don't want that. It can be just downright tiresome for people to read. I don't want that. However, more importantly, this whole exercise may have tainted my ability to perceive my own insensitivity. This, I can't tolerate.

I am a pretty sensitive guy. I have always found myself pretty much attuned to others' plights and have sincerely always wanted to be encouraging. On the inside, I think this who I am. On the outside, sometimes I am unable to discern what I am saying concerning how it may have an impact on other people.

I met with a friend at lunch today. I asked him for an opinion on how I should address an issue I have with someone in my life. I told him what I was thinking and he said, "I understand what you are saying and the logic behind it, but I don't think it is going to be received well. It surely will not have the desired effect that you are looking for." I was dumbfounded. My logic was flawless. Yet, that didnt' matter and finally the light bulb went off and I determined at that point that the recent stress in my life has had an adverse effect on my sensibilities.

It opened up my mind to a feedback exchange I had recently with another blogger. It wasn't testy, but I could tell that I wrote in the same such manner. At the time, I couldn't see what I was saying could be construed in any way other than what I meant. Now, I realize that I can't trust myself to know that. I may have hurt someone that I have truly come to care about. For that I am sorry. I tried to "fix" it and explain my intentions, but I guess it didn't take. What is worse is that I don't have the wisdom now to see whether or not I could have made things worse.

I have written all that to write this: It may not be in anyone's best interest for me to continue to blog and feedback until I get in a better place internally. I don't want to overreact, it is just something that I need to consider. The last thing I want to do is offend someone. It might be something as simple a concept as someone wanting to avoid getting pregnant. The only way to avoid it is to abstain. I will be mulling this over.

In the meantime, if I have been insensitive to anyone out there, I assure you it wasn't my intention. I am not making excuses, though. Words are too powerful to play with when impaired.

My first idea was to label this entry, "Thursday Thirteen - thirteen reasons I am giving up blogging." However, that would be a little insensitive. See what I mean?

14 comments:

TheWriteJerry said...

Whatever you're going through, you'll make it through. There's nothing more to be said.

Sayre said...

Do what you need to do. We'll be fine. When you're ready to say hello again we'll say hi back.

Wishing you the best - and apparently that works sometimes because you got out of jury duty! Hope it works as well on the rest of it!

Random Magus said...

Writing is very cathartic...it sometimes helps to sort us out internally. Its like when you read back what you have written you get a chance to see whats going on inside.
Anyway thats my two cents worth.... hope you find the answers...

Stepping Over the Junk said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stepping Over the Junk said...

Hey Jeff, I feel this way alot re: the post you just posted, but then, I just turn the computer off for a few days for a break and then turn it back on again and post something like my current post and figure that will tide people over until I can get my thoughts and emotions and logic back in order. I stopped blogging last year after a year or so of blogging under another name. I deleted it (as opposed to just pausing for a long time) and kind of regret it. I saved it to my computer though so I have my writing, but still...I started up again when I was ready with this newer blog and just have a different take on it. I write the pity party type posts and then I write about my daughter drawing a picture of a bear with both boy and girl parts...so there you go. It is what it is. Be easy on yourself. If it causes you trauma, stop til you get something out of it that is healthy and right for you. Don't lose touch though, I only just got your email address....AND I sent an email!

paisley said...

"This is an outlet for my never-ending rantings. I am sure the people in my life get tired of all my crap so I thought I would force it into the cybersphere."

we are still here.. and we are still listening....

i know it is none of my business,, but i would tell your wife she can come home only if she keeps her job..period...you want her,, and you need the money....she wants to play on how bad you want her....but is she willing to give you what you need too???

do you want her bad enough to lose your house and your mind?????

just my insensitive, unsolicited, opinion....you can edit or delete this if you want to... i will totally understand....

Shan said...

Ain't gonna offer you advice since I have never felt this way before. If I feel my life is taking too much stress on me, I just stop blogging.

To me blogging is something to kill extra time and understand what others are thinking. It's fun and good vent for extra energy. I guess you do what you feel is right, that's the ultimate thing.

Jeff said...

Jerry: Of course, you are right. One of my favorite phrases of the Bible is "And it came to pass . . ." It always does.

Sayre: Yeah . . . thanks for the encouragement.

Random Magus: It is cathartic and useful. My concern is offending others, not really anything else. Maybe I shouldn't be concerned about that as much and let the chips fall as they may. Or I could start every blog entry and feedback with a disclaimer.

Jeff said...

Stepping Over: Yeah, you are a "next level" friend. I will blog when I blog, I guess, but I won't delete my email address no matter what I do.

Paisley: I love you. I am not one of those people who get offended when someone tells me their mind (unless they are obviously trying to do that). I don't go around looking for people who want to placate me and my feelings. If someone wants to tell me something I don't want to hear, then I probably NEED to hear it. Your opinions will always be well-received here. Thanks for your bold honesty.

Shan: Thanks, Shan. Blogging can be fun; it can be necessary; and it can be offensive. I just need to be better at navigating the water a little better - or learn not to care as much.

Jeff said...

I thought I would make a clarification. When I wrote of not offending people, I wasn't talking about people being offended because I STOPPED blogging. I referring to people being offended because of something I may write. I am sure everyone would survive if I took a break from blogging for a while - if that is what I do.

Jimmy said...

I always ask people that if they are offended by something I say, particularly at a time when it doesn't seem as if I were intending to, to please give me the benefit of the doubt and allow me to clarify.

One thing I have learned about the written word is that it's not as clear-cut as the spoken work due to a lack of inflection, facial expressions, etc. Always better to check, ya know?

I know there are a lot of bumps in the road lately for ya, but I just got the feeling that the "offense" issue was a little more on your mind with this entry, is all :)

Good luck with everything you're trying to wade through

HollyGL said...

I have always been careful when emailing someone about anything that they may be extra sensitive to. That said, I have on more than one occasion, intended one thing but been interpreted as meaning something entirely different. ...and I have been the misinterpretor.

Comments are similar animals sometimes, I think. The best anyone can do is come from a place of sensitivity if the subject matter is intensely personal or painful to the blogger. That said, we've all screwed up along those lines as well. I think if you just let the person know that what they interpreted wasn't your intention, they should understand.

Jeff said...

Jimmy: Yeah, I was particularly concerned about the offending thing. It is nice to be able to clarify things; sometimes you just don't get the opportunity. Thanks for your wishes.

HollyGl: I hope you are right. Last thing I wanted to was offend. Sometimes my caveman-like mind just doesn't get it. I'm sorry, Steph.

HollyGL said...

Its okay. :)