Tuesday, May 29, 2007

With No Apologies

It is strange that I would start a spiritual blog recently ( The Present Truth) and it turns out that this one takes a big turn towards the spiritual. I know that some people who read this blog aren't "into" spiritual stuff. However, right now it seems that survival dictates that all my thoughts enter this realm. There is going to be a spiritual edge to this blog more often for the time being I must say with no apologies.

It is little wonder that most of my thoughts lately are concentrated on pain and surrender. Lately, I have had to surrender a lot of things that I care deeply about in order to save some things that are and have to be a higher priority. Sometimes, when I see the disease spreading like wildfire to all parts of the being, it seems that this surrender was in vain. However, I can't let myself think that way. I must take these thoughts captive before they do harm.

Everything is so topsy-turvey that it seems that what is up, is really down. All resolutions are really open sores. Just when I think I get a handle on all the pain, I get slugged by a new weapon in a new, vulnerable spot that I thought was hidden.

Still, I stagger to work, even staggering with this blog. There is no way two weeks ago that I thought I would be blogging. This blog should be on hiatis, yet here it is - still active and still full of cryptic crap that if I was on the other end of it, would probably lose patience with the neurotic author.

I also can't stay caught up on the blogs I read. Sporadically, I will hit one at random and perhaps comment. I just hope there is an understanding there that knows that I am not trying to slight anyone. I am doing what I can and I still care.

Finally, I don't want anyone pitying me. Care about me, stand by me, but don't allow yourself to pity me. This painful time I am going through is, no doubt, a huge blessing that I just can't see yet. Therefore, pity is not necessary and congratulations are more in order - as upside down as that sounds. Despite the unlikliness of that from my tattered standpoint, I don't command my God to make sense, I just ask that He be there when I surrender. That is not so much to ask the Almighty who has already commited Himself to that very thing.

5 comments:

Stepping Over the Junk said...

You are a spiritual person and that will come out no matter what in however you express yourself...this blog or that blog or in person, so keep it as is...I didn't know about the other one and flashed there quickly to see and will be back. I like your way of thinking...don't change how you express it. THAT is what will get you through...

Michelle said...

"There is going to be a spiritual edge to this blog more often for the time being I must say with no apologies."

I just said the same thing (in my own way) in my last two blog entries. I'd say "how weird!", but that would be a lie. I don't believe in coincidences - I believe in God "tweaking" things. ;-)

Bravo Jeff! Why should we divide or spiritual beliefs from the rest of our thoughts and ideas? Why can't we be completely ourselves?

As for the cryptic stuff. Can I offer a hug? Don't know you, but what the hey! I'm having a good morning and I've already hugged another total stranger on another blog so why not throw all sanity to the wind and just hug the whole darn world!

Oh, having a good day does not remove my health woes and other assorted own anxiety stress stuff. It just means I can see beyond my own stupid worries for a moment and remember that although I speak about trsusting God I don't always put it into practice. :-\

When I was a kid my mom always said that everything happens for a reason.. and the reason in God's hands is always to improve us, help us and make us grow.

She forgot to add that being pruned to encourage growth HURTS. LOL

Hope you get over your cryptic stuff soon.

Jeff said...

Stepping Over: You are right. I can't change it if I wanted to. I don't want to pound people over the head with my spirituality, but it is what it is and I think some will find value there. Thanks for the encouragement.

Michelle: I don't know how it happened, but you turned out to be a good buddy. Thanks for the hug. You know what? I am having a good day, too.

Michelle said...

:-)

That's one of the nicest things anyone has said to me.

thank you, Jeff.

HollyGL said...

Jeff,

Your spirituality is a huge part of who you are. Whether or not every one of your readers subscribes to your beliefs exactly, I would hope that they would honor and respect your desire to express yourself however is the most healing for you. I certainly do. Take care.

Stephanie