It is strange that I would start a spiritual blog recently ( The Present Truth) and it turns out that this one takes a big turn towards the spiritual. I know that some people who read this blog aren't "into" spiritual stuff. However, right now it seems that survival dictates that all my thoughts enter this realm. There is going to be a spiritual edge to this blog more often for the time being I must say with no apologies.
It is little wonder that most of my thoughts lately are concentrated on pain and surrender. Lately, I have had to surrender a lot of things that I care deeply about in order to save some things that are and have to be a higher priority. Sometimes, when I see the disease spreading like wildfire to all parts of the being, it seems that this surrender was in vain. However, I can't let myself think that way. I must take these thoughts captive before they do harm.
Everything is so topsy-turvey that it seems that what is up, is really down. All resolutions are really open sores. Just when I think I get a handle on all the pain, I get slugged by a new weapon in a new, vulnerable spot that I thought was hidden.
Still, I stagger to work, even staggering with this blog. There is no way two weeks ago that I thought I would be blogging. This blog should be on hiatis, yet here it is - still active and still full of cryptic crap that if I was on the other end of it, would probably lose patience with the neurotic author.
I also can't stay caught up on the blogs I read. Sporadically, I will hit one at random and perhaps comment. I just hope there is an understanding there that knows that I am not trying to slight anyone. I am doing what I can and I still care.
Finally, I don't want anyone pitying me. Care about me, stand by me, but don't allow yourself to pity me. This painful time I am going through is, no doubt, a huge blessing that I just can't see yet. Therefore, pity is not necessary and congratulations are more in order - as upside down as that sounds. Despite the unlikliness of that from my tattered standpoint, I don't command my God to make sense, I just ask that He be there when I surrender. That is not so much to ask the Almighty who has already commited Himself to that very thing.