The last couple of days have been challenging on the home front. However, only I know how challenging they have been. That is a big lesson in of itself.My wife and I have been both struggling with emotions lately. She has because . . . that is just part of her make-up. I have because I have been exhausted. It got the better of me on Friday night.
We went out, did some things, ended up at Barnes and Noble to glance over books and get a cafe drink. She found some interesting board games on clearance. Big mistake. I asked her if we got them, would she be willing to go and play them with my nephew and his wife?
She replied, "No."
To make a long story short, I got a little miffed because she is unwilling to be around my FAMILY to play games that SHE is interested in. There is nothing wrong with my nephew and wife. She just doesn't like them or something. She didn't like that I couldn't accept it very easily.
Then, she got wise. She threw my words back in my face. She set it up by saying, "You knew that I wasn't a social person when you married me. " Her following phrase came from my own book, "Your expectations of me as your spouse is your own worst enemy. People will always fail your expectations so don't put so much stock in them."
Here comes the lesson again, "Just keep your mouth shut." Ten thousand responses came into my head just dying to get out. From, "yeah, I guess it is unreasonable to expect you to interact with my family that is now YOUR family" to "well, I guess your expectations of me being faithful are your own worst enemy if I should stray," and a thousand hateful others burst into my head like the finale at a Fourth of July fireworks display.
Somehow, I just kept my mouth shut. Tragedy avoided.
Fast forward to last night. As many of you know, "Big Brother" is one of my guilty pleasures. I don't have many. We started recording the live feed on Showtime last season just to keep track of stuff and all the drama. No problem.
Last night, my wife informed me that we were not going to record or watch that anymore because the previous night's feed was "pornographic." So, she deleted it and will not record it anymore. Silently, I was infuriated. In all of last year and the first two weeks of this year there was no pornography. If there was a lapse the previous night (which I was skeptical), I was not going to pass judgement over one night. Plus, my wife thinks that the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue is pornography (I don't, but I still haven't seen that issue since college for whatever reason).
I take issue with my wife's scensorship of my viewing for the following reasons:
A. She is not my mother (this could be broken up into several reasons really); and
B. I pay for the satelite
I handled the situation much like the Barnes and Noble incident, I kept my mouth shut. I wasn't going to be put into the position of defending "pornography". Besides, emotions have been running high anyway. She NEVER knew that I was miffed and the marriage avoided a hit. As an aside, I recorded the thing anyway and skimmed through it this morning. Guess what? No pornography.
Finally, yesterday my wife's boss called her and told her that one of the girls couldn't make it in and may not make it tomorrow (today) so she should be ready to be called in. She wasn't called last night and she stayed up late (and kept me up). The girl called her this morning and she hit the roof (with me, not the girl)! I didn't think she was going to go in and I got a little uptight. My wife only works part time. We have no kids, and I have taken a couple of extra jobs to make ends meet. She was warned that she may have to come in and somehow she thinks it is unfair. It was very difficult for me to sympathize and it was all I could do to not throw water on her in bed!
I left her in bed as I went to check on my mom. When I got back she was up and was getting ready but she was upset and believed she had been victimized. How did I handle it?
I gave her hug, made her some Irish Breakfast Tea, packed her lunch and left her a note inside it telling her that I loved her and was proud of her for facing the day. Lesson? You get more results from reward and encouragement than from berating. She went to work; that was enough for me today.
One big lesson in marriage, I have learned, is that you have to pick your battles. She went to work. Had she not have gone, I would be gearing up for war.






