In my other blog, The Present Truth, I am in the midst of a discussion that was triggered by "The Psycho Gives An Exclusive Interview" where Jaquandor from Byzantium Shores asked five interview questions. One person, Danny Kaye, gave me some thoughtful feedback, perhaps taking issue with me adopting the "separate worlds" theory of blogging. He wondered how I thought it stacked up against Scripture.This is how I clarified this question, "I don't really think there is a conflict - not by the way I am thinking about the concept, anyway. I guess I can see the conflict from an outsiders point of view.
We all have thoughts and opinions and ways to work out problems in our lives through words and processses. It is not imperative for those that are involved in those conflicts and things to be aware of every thought in my head. Some couldn't handle it. Some would be hurt by it. For some things I may choose to write about, people in my life may spread it like gossip or try to use it against me or someone else to hurt them.
This way, I and the people in my life do not have to deal with it. I can still use my blog to process those things and get objective feedback. Where is the conflict?"
Danny Kaye went on in detail about what he thought about it after I gave this response. It contains very thoughtful, and Scripture filled arguments. I also gave my replies to those. I won't include it here because I get the feeling most of Psychosomatic Wit's readers eyes kind of glaze over when this kind of scriptural contribution surfaces. As I said in the last post, this is why I have the idea of keeping my blogs separate. However, feel free to read the entirety of the discussion over at The Present Truth.
In the meantime, I am curious what you guys might think of me keeping my thoughts away from my wife (and the rest of the real world). Some of you have weighed in on that topic already, but now it has gotten a little more complicated.
ADDENDUM: FROM THE LONG VERSION OF THIS DISCUSSION ON
Some people think that the photo on my interview post is ME being interviewed. It isn't. It is just a photo I found out in cybersphere. Just thought I would clear that up. :)
7 comments:
Its a good question, Jeff, and one I'm not going to be able to answer very articulately. I always try to put myself in someone elses shoes for something like this.
Do I understand your rationale for not telling your wife about your blog? Absolutely. Completely. How would I feel if I were your wife and found out about it? Its tough to say. I have never met you, yet I know you come from a place of integrity. I'm certain your wife realizes that, so maybe she wouldn't care.
I think the bottom line in my mind would be, if you address all of the things you write about, with your wife face to face - which I believe you do - then I think its fine to have the blog to proces separate from her. If you were only to communicate these thoughts and feelings through your blogging, then I could see it potentially impacting your relationship in a challenging way.
Ultimately, I think you know the answer that best suits the many layers of your situation that I am not privy to. ...and I have no doubt that whatever you choose to do will be the best thing for everyone involved.
I too, have posted a lengthy comment, but on your other blog...in answer to this question.
I agree whole-heartedly. Certainly we all need a corner of our own little world that we can call our own — a safe haven to process the myriad of thoughts and emotions that flood us each day.
Yes, it can surely be hurtful to know that your partner is not sharing the deepest depths of themselves with you, but as you say, often knowing everything that passes in the murky depths would be to hurtful or alarming for people in our lives to handle. If that's the case, they will surely react negatively which can be just as alienating.
I have found writing, in whatever form, offers not only an amazing outlet, but an excellent mirror that allows me to recognize myself. If undercover blogging offers you the same, then I say good for you.
Jeff there have been times when I wished that I had kept my blog anonymously and If I had I certain that there would have been other things I would say without the fear of hurting people. My youngest daughter had threatened never to see me again because of some of the things I have written, although that now seems to have passed. My ex read things that she probably would rather not have known but I think in reading it she has been able to move on. And of course there was the criticism from my niece which I was actually grateful I could publish and answer honestly. Having said all of that, you and you alone know what is right for you. I have written things in my journal that I would have loved to have posted on my blogs so that I could receive feedback, but it is in some ways a little too raw for people who know me to be exposed to.
As far as keeping separate blogs - I have three, one where I spend a lot of time on introspection, one which is more about day to day stuff and a third which is purely for photography. I have often thought about merging the three but they each serve a separate purpose and whilst they do I will keep them separate.
Steph: I think you were quite articulate. I am sure my wife wouldn't like everything she would read in my blog, if she found it. However, I am absolutely certain that I wouldn't like everything she has written about me in her diary. That is one reason why I don't read it. ;)
I do address these issues with her, but in a different way - hopefully in a better way because I was able to process my thoughts here.
Thanks.
OneFullHouse: Yes, thank you for that. It is a well thought out reply.
Alice: Welcome, by the way.
Wow, you really get it the way I think about it. It is encouraging to see kindred spirits out there. I am fortunate enough to have a few that linger around this place. I am grateful that you are one of them - for as long as you hang around.
Thanks for that.
Loz: I can see how being open has helped you in moving on in relationships. In some situations, I think this would be useful in my own life. Later, it may be appropriate for my wife to read some of this just as your exwife has and moved on, it could be an energizer for my wife to move on. However, without it, me being able to process might retard me from being able to take correct steps - even if those steps include just trusting God and being patient.
There may be some benefits for being more open, but once I open that Pandora's box, I can't close it again. I have grown quite comfortable with the view of the top of that box, at least for now.
Yeah, I think separate blogs are the way to go. Seeing who read this post compared to the ones who actually jumped over to the other one to get deeper into it confirms this. I like for everyone to be comfortable, including myself.
SEE ADDENDUM ON THE END OF THIS POST.
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