Last night, my wife and I had a mild tiff. It was mild at the surface, but this morning it dawned on me why it is sticking in me after a night's sleep. It reveals a bigger issue for me: I cannot trust my wife.
Oh, it is not that I think she would cheat on me. I highly doubt that would happen. I just can't trust her with my feelings - to look after me in the emotional and nurturing way. She said something to me last night that surprised me and hurt my feelings. (Ready, everyone together, "Ahhhhh") As a result, I sat quietly in the recliner trying to process it and get over it. She noticed that I was "quiet" and asked me what was wrong. I made a mistake by telling her the truth - that she said something that hurt my feelings.
Quiz time!!! Guess how she reacted to my answer.
a. She came to me, put her hand on my shoulder and apologized for hurting me.
b. She completely ignored the answer as if she didn't hear me.
c. She got mad at me for being hurt.
d. She walked out the door.
If you answered, "c", you are right. This has happened before and I think I even wrote about it. I am stating that to make this point: What did I expect to happen? One definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over and expect different results. I am officially insane - or was insane. I think I have finally wised up.
So, I am taking responsibility for this now. I am not going to say any more to her about it, but I am holding myself responsible. If she is incapable of responding in a way that meets my expectations then in is on me to change my expectations. Consider them changed.
The big lesson here is that one cannot control what others do; he can only control how he receives or reacts to it.
Lesson learned - finally.