Psychosomatic Wit

I'm Back . . . at School

My name is Jeff and I am a slagger (blog slacker). Now that there is a new year and somewhat of a new me, I am going to give it another go. Things will hopefully be a little different this time around.

I have a few New Year's blog resolutions. One is that I am going to let my sense of humor flow more. I had lost my sense of humor for a while. However, I found it in the wall safe where my wedding picture was hanging. When she took the picture, she left my sense of humor intact. It was just a matter of finding it and reclaiming it. Thanks, dear.

I feel different these days. I laugh . . . a lot. I used to laugh some, but somehow deep in my soul I really knew it was a nervous laugh. The laugh of someone unsure about life, living, love and even laughter. The four l's . . . that wasn't intentional. I just love it when a plan comes together like that.

Are the goings on in my life better now than they were four or five months ago. Nope, not really. In some ways, they are worse. It just doesn't effect me like it used to. I know that a person is not the sum of his circumstances. He is the sum of his make-up. I was made up of rouge for far too long. Now my cheeks have the warm glows of yellows and golds. I hope everyone knows that this is an analogy.

Then there is providence. As God helps me heal and return to a normal guy, He also tells me things I need to know and insists on keeping me accountable. I am not a big fan of His methodology all the time, but I know how valuable it is for Him to keep tapping me as I start to feel a little cocky about healing.

For instance, last night I watched the movie "Hancock". It is really two stories. There is a scene in the first part that rattled my cage a little. It was God reminding me that although healing takes place, the scars will always be there. Scars are not to be ignored; that is why God puts them there forever. That scene and God's prompting will make me a better person.

Lessons . . . school is always in session. Excuse me while I make some spit balls and sharpen my pencils in order to stick them into the ceiling for this afternoon's festivities! Hey, lessons will still be learned, but I am still going to have my devious fun from time to time.

Got a Hammer?

I really think I will be blogging more relatively soon. Life is REALLY getting in the way. There is one problem right after another that just consumes my concentration. It isn't the deep blows it used to be when I was closer to the divorce, but it is still mind-consuming - therefore keeping me busy.

I had in mind today to do one of my fun-type posts. I had one in mind, but yet another obstacle robbed me of that mood. I am not in a terrible mood, just a distracted one. It is like the blog gods just don't want me to move forward with this.

This blog reminds me of a house that one saved up for and moved into. It was new and exciting at first with plenty of ideas to do fun things with it. I was going to take out that one wall in the back and make a huge game room. I was going to add flooring in the attic and make that workout room.

However, like time, business and conflicts do to house dreams, they also did to this blog. I look at it and think: forget the game room, I just need to get the dripping faucet fixed. Workout room in the attic? Look at those gutters barely hanging on. I have to clean them out and re-attach them. Yep, this puppy has run down. No wonder the neighbors don't come by much anymore.

So, as I am standing out front and looking at this run-down blog, I know that I have to get busy on it. I think I will, just not at the pace I wanted to. One day, though . . . . one day, I will get that game room. You just wait!

History, The Shack, and a Healthy, Loveless Life

News (or current events)
Entertainment (movies, TV, celebrity, etc.)
Writing (thoughts on the blog(s) or other writing projects)
Spirit (thoughts on God and/or the supernatural)
Family (or friends)
Love
Anxiety (a rant or a trouble)
Sports (also considered should be contests, reality TV, recreation, cards, games), and
Home (house, yard, or even another family type of thought.
__________________________________________

_________________________

NEWS - I am thrilled at the results of this election. Even SOME people that I know that voted for McCain seem to understand the significance of this election - in a positive way. A majority of the citizens of the US put an African-American into the highest office in the country - perhaps the most powerful position on the planet. THE PEOPLE put him there! At last, there is hope that EVERYONE is invited to the table. When one sees the face of a minority on the television screen, it just may be the president of the United States, and not an example of one of the negative stereotypes that unfairly rose to the attention of the masses. That is huge. What touched me the most, is a story I heard on one of the news channels where it was heard that African-American man stated that he could finally look in his young son's eyes and proclaim, "Son, you can be ANYTHING you want to be in this country," and be able to surely mean it.

ENTERTAINMENT - I am VERY motivated now to read The Shack by William P. Young. A lot of people who have read it give it glowing reviews. However, that is not why I want to read it. It is those people who are attempting to expose it as heresy that is causing me to shell out bucks at Barnes and Nobles tomorrow and pick up the thing. Some critics give no allowances for literary license and their critiques sound very dogmatic. I am not a fan of legalistic dogma. I think people miss out too much on blessings by whining about anything that strays from a textbook approach to spirituality. It reminds me of the time when the movie, The Last Temptation of Christ came out and a high number of religious groups were up in arms over it. Most of them, by their own admission, had not even seen the movie. Of course, I had to see it. Guess what? It wasn't the most exciting movie I had ever seen. It certainly was not thoroughly consistent with the Scriptures, but it was far from heresy. It offered a literary approach to the humanity of Christ instead of the robot-like God-Jesus we were all used to seeing in previous movies. I see the criticism of The Shack perhaps being in that same light.

It reminds me of two different people seeing a happening on the street and comparing notes. One saw a vehicle going way over the posted speed limits and even crossing the center line from time to time and generally being a menace to every law-abiding driver on the roads. The other saw an ambulance rushing to save a life. I wonder how I will see The Shack.

WORK (or writing in this case) - My big project is starting slow. Life's distractions are the enemy of creativity and production. I always wanted to move to Montana by myself and set up a home office to be able to write without distraction. That probably will not happen, but I am determined to carry on nonetheless.

SPIRIT - My common theme for the spirit is and will remain "surrender":

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next.

FAMILY - I am getting a little concerned about my mother. The other morning, I found her hours before she normally gets up. She was dressed and ready to go. She was concerned that none of her kids were there to be ready for the party. It took me a couple of hours to convince her that there was no party and that she had dreamed the whole thing. It takes her too long to differentiate between reality and dreams sometimes. She always comes out of it, but exclaims, "It was so real." I wonder if there will ever be a day that she just doesn't come out of it. God forbid.

LOVE - Frankly, I am just avoiding it. I am usually a humble kind of guy, but I am just not going to give love so freely - not that special someone kind of love. The more women I meet, the more I realize that most are not worthy of what I have to give. I am the type of guy that will treat my significant other like a queen. I will spend every day thinking of her first - trying to make her day better, every day. I try to give her a reason to smile on a daily basis. I want her to count on laughter when she's that I am on the phone - especially if she needs that lift. I never allow the prospect that she feels unimportant or unloved. She will never doubt my feelings and affection for her. That is just my nature - the way I think everyone should be. However, I am tired of casting my pearls before the swine. I am just not going to do it anymore.

ANGUISH - My tenant! Actually he moved out, had the power turned off, but didn't tell me any of it. He still has stuff in there - some of it valuable. However, he hasn't paid for October, let alone November. I am going to have to change the locks.

SPORTS - I am setting up an office/gym in my house. I also bought a Wii Fit. I am going to be healthy if it kills me. I finished well in the contest at work. Clothes that I couldn't have worn at this past summer are falling off of me now. Guess how I did it? That's right, I surrendered.

HOME - I think I kind of covered this already in other headings. Things are shaping up and will be great as soon as I get that TENANT OUT OF MY LIFE!TT

The Gale

His heart was racing as he ran down the road. Isaac felt it nearly beating a hole through his chest, not only because of the stress of the exercise, but also because of the fear that welled inside him. He often looked back over his shoulder, but there was never anyone there.

He saw a small town enter his vision at the bend of the road. He knew he had to get there, somewhere where no one knew him. Somewhere he could rest – at least for a while. He slowed to a walk as the town got bigger in his view.

There were many people on foot smiling and talking to each other. Some even greeted him with a smile and a nod. He could hear music playing somewhere. It seemed like a nice enough town. Perhaps he could blend in, get something to drink, rest and figure all this out.

As he entered a small store, the middle-aged clerk behind the counter greeted him with a smile. “What can I help you with today?”

“I . . . uh . . . I just need something to drink, some water or something.”

“Sure,” she responded,“ but I’m gonna have to charge you a nickel for the cup. Free refills, though,” she laughed.

As Isaac, felt for a coin in his pocket, he felt his tension easing up. The lady behind the counter had the right kind of mannerisms to give him a reprieve. He was appreciative for it, no matter how brief it might be. He plopped the nickel down on the counter, grabbed the cup and backed against the nearest wall for a little more rest.

“You sure look haggard, Darlin’,” the clerk sympathized. “Are you looking for someone? Is there something I can do to help you?”

“No . . . I am fine,” Isaac uttered, “I am just passing through.”

“Well, I wish you a safe journey. If you need anything else . . .” Her sentence was interrupted by a stirring in the air.

Isaac felt a cold wind in his face. His rattled nerves reacted as he pondered how this breeze could find him again and be so cold in the summer heat -and be inside this little store. He watched the clerk’s hair blow from right to left on her head and onto her face. Then it was gone.

“What are you doing here?” The clerk's demeanor was changed. She was now shouting at Isaac with piercing, accusatory eyes.

“I . . . uh . . . ,” Isaac had nothing to say. Fear was now shooting through him again. The woman was moving trance-like towards him. He dropped his now empty cup and stormed out the door. He was met out in the street with the glares of the once friendly eyes of the townspeople. They froze and started heading toward him in the same way as the clerk did just seconds before.

He dashed between buildings and headed across the barren countryside. He saw the road winding around in front of him and headed for that rendezvous point that will guide him away from yet another village that turned on him without explanation. The answer to this real-life nightmare, he understood, was blowing in the wind.

Tumbleweeds on Election Day

NEWS - This is the election day, non-election post. The political campaigns have run their courses. Now it is time to support whoever wins the presidency. He will need all the help he can get because we are in quite a mess.

ENTERTAINMENT - I haven't been all that entertained, lately. I will miss all the SNL election skits, though.

WRITING - I have been excited about my new project, but I hadn't been able to get much going on it. My life has been really busy and hectic lately. I am still focused. I hope I don't lose it, though.

SPIRIT - I have been learning to surrender more. It is funny about the human condition. We just don't want to surrender. We will force our wills at every opportunity. This, indeed, is the hardest aspect of true spirituality.

FAMILY - One of the things that is keeping me busy, I am in the process of trying to get the tenant from hell out of my house and get my sister in it. That will solve problems for everyone. We will see how it goes.

LOVE - As I was going through the sections of this post, (News, Entertainment, etc.), I flied right through them. When I got to this section, all I could do is stare at the flashing cursor with really nothing to say. Already, I have typed three complete lines and I still haven't written anything relevant to the topic. Truthfully, I have met a few people. Each of them has been kind of flaky in their own way. I guess the reality of it is that I am now ruined for love. I can't play the games; I just can't waste the time and effort; I no longer have the energy and the appetite for that. I have a unique, I guess, view of what love should be and I am not prepared to go through the pain of getting anything less. The problem is that less is all there is. I just don't belong here anymore.

ANXIETY - I am really not stressed about anything. I have a somber peace.

SPORTS - When I decided to put "Sports" in this exercise, I was somewhat interested in it. It is funny how life tends to reset our priorities. Of course, I would feel differently about it, perhaps, if any of the teams I was interested were the slightest bit exciting.

HOME - I have been moving into "our" house and trying to furnish it - get it ready for my solo life. It has been a little trip down memory lane, a bitter sweet walk. I look forward to all the dust settling so I can see just what my life looks like. Hopefully, it will be with my sister in one house, my mother in another, and finally me with my little bachelor cottage creating new memories to replace the old ones that have helped to make me a little out of sorts today - as if you hadn't noticed.

Psychosomatic Wit Makes Endorsement

Poof! Here I am!

I am interrupting this negligence for an important message: I am still alive and planning on posting soon. I have been moving and engaging in other time-consuming endeavors.

There is a lot of junk going on that needs to be settled, but other than that, I have never been better!

I am in the process of starting a project that will probably be the most important thing I have ever written. It isn't a blog piece, but something much bigger. Wish me luck and for God's sake, keep after me about it. It is pretty important.

Obama, The Mentalist, and Being Alone

NEWS FLASH is basically news or thoughts that may be changing over time - an update or an evolution of thought that covers a multiple of topics. It is what makes a blogger tick and it is the reason why we read. So, with that in mind, I came up with NEWS FLASH as an acronym that stands for what is going on in life:

News (or current events)
Entertainment (movies, TV, celebrity, etc.)
Writing (thoughts on the blog(s) or other writing projects)
Spirit (thoughts on God and/or the supernatural)
Family (or friends)
Love
Anxiety (a rant or a trouble)
Sports (also considered should be contests, reality TV, recreation, cards, games), and
Home (house, yard, or even another family type of thought.
___________________________________________________________________

NEWS - I have been studying the polls for this presidential election. Things are shifting big time for Obama. As a matter of fact, watching a tracking mechanism on people watching the debate on one of the cable news outlets, I discovered something. Obama was scoring the highest on independents, this backs up most of the national polls now. So, if you consider yourself an independent, but are leaning towards McCain, maybe you should rethink your "independent" status.

ENTERTAINMENT - I have found a new television program to follow this season. I make no reservation in recommending The Mentalist on CBS. Simon Baker plays Patrick Jane, a consultant to the police department whe formally was a fake psychic. He made a name for himself posing as one of those people who insist that he can talk to the other side. He now insists that there are no such thing as psychic abilities and the skills of paying attention fool people into believing. He uses those skills to solve crime. Baker is smooth in his role, but what makes the show deep, is that his character has a lot of mental baggage (feeling guilt for the slaughter of his family by a serial killer). The Mentalist airs on Tuesdays at 9:00 pm ET/PT on CBS.

WORK - Work has calmed down a bit. I guess I need to focus on finding an intern for the year now. I am dreading that.

SPIRIT - Now that I am getting used to being alone, the dreaded lonliness has kind of set in. It isn't that I am a depressed lonly, more like a somber lonly. I mean, I don't feel hopeless, just alone. This gives me an opportunity to work on some things in my life and draw closer to God. I know that as I draw closer to Him, He will draw closer to me.

FAMILY - My (healthy) sister had a scare. She scheduled an appointment for a checkup and discovered that she apparently had a heart attack LAST YEAR. No one told her and she spent the past year thinking she was fine. There was a definite slip in communication - either between the hospital and the doctor, or the doctor and the patient. Miffed, she scheduled a stress test. However, four days before she was to go in for the test, she had chest pains. Normally, she might have just chalked it up to something else, but the news spooked her so she went to the emergency room. They did some tests and admitted her. They moved her stress test up for the following day. When all the dust settled from all the tests, she is completely fine with no sign of any heart attack at all. It is quite a mystery.

LOVE - This is a rough week for me. This is the big Fall Festival week in Evansville - a pretty big deal. It was something that my wife and I really enjoyed and shared with each other and this is the first one without her. Not only that, but this Saturday (the last night of the festival) is October 11 and that is our wedding anniversary. We picked that day to get married, because five years ago on Saturday the 11th, I officially asked her to be my girlfriend, under a tree there - on the last day of the Fall Festival. That isn't all, I went through my voice mail at work to delete a lot of it. I tend to not delete it much because of facts that I may need to use when working on a case. Anyway, as I deleted about 20 of them, I ran across this sweet voice that said, "Hey you. I am just calling to tell you that the dogs, our children, are VERY excited to be getting the new house. Here, I will let them tell you . . ." I cut it off right there. For those of you that do not remember, that was right before she went away for the weekend and changed our lives forever.

ANGUISH: My tenant is going to make me hurt him. He is trying to buy the house from me for $10,000 less than we agree on - which would cause me to get a $10,000 loan to cover my loss. He told a neighbor that he has me over a barrel and thinks he is going to get it that cheap. What he doesn't know, is that I would rather let the bank repo it before I give it to him for that price - ESPECIALLY him. I haven't wanted to inflict bodily harm on someone since I was a kid. However, he is pushing me to the limit.

SPORTS - My teams suck and my fantasy football team is in last place. However, I am ready to make my move.

HOME - I am slowly putting things together for the house that used to be ours. I have no furniture, but I don't care much. I do have a bed and a recliner. Everything else will come in time. I am also getting closer and closer to getting into the shape I want. I am running daily again with my dogs and putting together the gym in my garage. I just may move it into the house. Apparently, there is room for it now.

Who Took De-Bait?

I just watched the vice-presidential debate between Sarah Palin and Joe Biden. It was interestingly boring. Who won? Well, if one considers a progressive evaluation principle (compare to: tax, progressive), you might consider Palin the winner. If you scored it on a point by point, Biden won.

Sarah Palin looked good if you look at it progressively, that is, if you expected her to fall apart as she has in other media situations. She just didn't. Therefore, she looked better. It is as if you have kid on the baseball team that always strikes out. If the kid actually grounds out to the pitcher, it looks like he did well - when in fact, he just made another out.

What bothered me about her? It appeared as she just read a speech, complete with jibes and sound bites. It didn't matter what was asked, she just continued with her speech. As a matter of fact, she admitted early in the speech, uh . . . I mean debate, that she wasn't going to answer the questions the way Biden or the moderator wanted. That translated into she wasn't going to answer it at all unless it happened to be in her prepared speech. That and announcing that she wanted more power to the vice president made her appear to lack humility.

What else? If I hear her call herself and McCain "mavericks" one more time, I am going to scream. I wonder how many times that was in her speech. Actually, if I hear her voice one more time, I am going to scream. Not because of a personal dislike. it is just that her voice tends to melt the coins in my pocket and that hurts.

What about Biden? He tended to be boring. He also tended to answer the questions so that to me, gives him the debate. He correctly pointed out that George Bush ran the country in the ground, and McCain's main policies are the same. That is enough for me. When challenged about "looking back and not looking forward", he correctly reported what I care about which is, "The past is a prologue to the future."

He did bother me that he tended to smile, kind of patronizingly, at Palin when she went reached the attack part of "her speech". I don't know what he was supposed to do, but that bugged. He also liked to repeat what he considered main points - even going as far as begging, "Let me repeat, . . . ".

All in all, the debate was kind of boring to all but the political junkies (like me). It just reinforced what I had already come to believe about this election. We can't risk anything close to what we have now in the next administration.

What a Fool Believes

She greeted him with a smile. He looked at her. It wasn't just a normal glance, but he peered deep searching for any kind of justification for what he was feeling . . hoping.

"I saw this downtown and thought of you," he said as he presented her with a small stuffed animal. It was a dog with big sad eyes and droopy ears.

She tried to hide her discomfort, and graciously accepted the small token. "Thank you, it is very cute," she replied and mustered a smile.

Convinced that he was now in her graces, he decreased the distance between them. "Do you remember the time we went to the fair and I won that over sized wiener dog for you?"

"Oh sure," she responded as she glanced at her wall clock from the corner of her eyes, "you threw footballs through a tire or someting, didn't you? That was nice."

"Actually, I shot three basketballs through the hoop . I guess I was pretty lucky, though, because those rims there were shaped like footballs instead of hoops." He laughed what he considered a clever laugh as he recalled the details.

She was wondering how long she was going to have to play along. She knew he was good guy, but that was all she could say about him. He, on the other hand, was contemplating how he was going to extend this drop-by into an evening.

"Are you hungry?" he asked hopefully.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I just ate before you got here. It is just as well, though, because I have a million things to do. Maybe another time, though - REALLY!" She wished she had that last sentence back, but getting him out was her primary concern.

He, replayed the "REALLY" over and over in his mind. It gave him a smile that even his limited knowledge of all things suave, made him keep on the inside. "Hey, I understand. Give me a call sometime . . . or I will call you."

He slowly backed through the door that she was already poised to close. "Sure, sounds great."

That was it. He whistled to his car, already deep in thought about when and for what purpose he would call her. She tossed the stuffed dog in the hall closet as she made her way to the vanity where she would continue preparing for a fun night without him.

What a Fool Believes
Michael McDonald/Kenny Loggins

He came from somewhere back in her long ago
The sentimental fool don't see
Tryin' hard to recreate
What had yet to be created once in her life

She musters a smile
For his nostalgic tale
Never coming near what he wanted to say
Only to realize
It never really was

She had a place in his life
He never made her think twice
As he rises to her apology
Anybody else would surely know
He's watching her go

But what a fool believes he sees
The wise man has the power to reason away
What seems to be
Is always better than nothing
And nothing at all keeps sending him...

Somewhere back in her long ago
Where he can still believe there's a place in her life
Someday, somewhere, she will return

She had a place in his life
He never made her think twice
As he rises to her apology
Anybody else would surely know
He's watching her go

But what a fool believes he sees
The wise man has the power to reason away
What seems to be
Is always better than nothing
There's nothing at all
But what a fool believes he sees...